of losses and gains

if there is anyone who is more experienced in losing things than gaining them, that would be me.

last july 2005 I lost my Nokia 3310 to a holdup incident while on board a jeepney in Quiapo. January 2006, I lost my bag, this time, my phone was in it in a "robbing" incident at Burger King Dapitan. Consequently I haven't set foot in that place ever since, not that I frequently go there but just seeing the place where I sat and eventually lost my bag gives me the creeps. It makes me realize how amazingly stupid and preoccuppied I am that time, that it was relatively easy for the thief to get my bag. That inicident has a profound effect on me because until this point I don't think i have recovered, it was as if he took my very life. Everything was there. I am so mad and disappointed both at myself and the perpetrator. And now, I lost my phone AGAIN! Technically the phones are not mine because they were all paid by my parents but I am the one who uses them so I can say that those were mine. I don't know what to think of, why these things keep on happening to me? Is there something written in my forehead saying, "you need a cellphone? just reach for my bag, you can have mine!"

my folks reaction changed through the course of these 3 losses, the first one made my mother really ticked, understandably. The second one was more of a feeling of pity and the third was a comedy, there was no shouting or punitive actions, surprisingly they understood it, that it goes with the territory and its not my fault that the UST area is a hotbed for petty crimes. Luckily, I just had to pay for it through the loss of belongings not necessarily my life. I guess my parents are becoming really wise. They know that this experiences are GAINS for me. I know I lost a lot and I mean A LOT! But the lessons that came with it is priceless.

I know those cellphones and other things can be replaced but i can never replace the trust i had in people. Before I never thought that I would be victim to these crimes because basically I have nothing! I'm not rich, what the hell would they get from me? And I have tremendous trust in people, even people I don't know. I don't believe that people steal things. I don't believe anyone is capable of committing a crime. Now i feel that I cannot trust anyone, I can't continue walking around without getting paranoid that somebody was out to get my stuff. Its sickening and stupid, I hate this feeling. I love people, i don't want to accuse them or be suspicious of them. Now when i see people in Dapitan I can't help but wonder if these people know the person who robbed me or they were the people who stole from me.

Its so sad that my last days in the University is characterized by suspicions and accusations. I guess that's the real world, no one is safe and our worst enemies are someone of our own kind.

Maria Francia Posted At 1:19:00 PM

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