dream jobs

someday i will have the following as my career

destabilizer - i will be in the news everyday, i will ask people to mount a revolt to topple the government, of course i won't join them in the streets, i will be behind the planning and i will drive the incumbet crazy, so crazy that she won't be able to do her job, thus expediting my rise to power.

assasin - i will kill people, for a certain amount of money specially now that journalists are easy targets, come one what are the chances that i'll get caught?

coup plotter - now this will be tough because for me to become a coup plotter i need to be in the military, but with a few pull of strings this can be done, then i will handle the office of comptrollership, then i can buy myself some fancy condominium somewhere in new york.

military adventurist - while in the military i will drive people mad by hostaging an establishment and telling people its a spontaneous outburst, what the heck, the worst thing that can happen is being punished with push - ups.

estafa - dor - i will build a pre need company and rob people of their money, of course with the guise that their money is in good hands while i invest them in debt ridden corporations like NAPOCOR.

CEO of a GOCC - if you need money fast, this is the way to go. money that you shouldn't be touching and money you shouldn't be spending, specially when they are the money of the people.

mafia leader - money from crime, who doesn't want that.

of course these would be my dream jobs if i wanted my soul to burn in hell, and if i have the gall to put my people into so much suffering.

Maria Francia Posted At 9:22:00 PM

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insecurities

tama ba tong pinasok ko?

sana joke lang to!

pero nandito na ko, wala na akong magagawa....

ngayon pa lang kasi nag-sisink in yung bigat ng gagawin ko, nung tumakbo kasi ako hindi ko pa masaydong iniisip yun, dahil sa sobrang contention and resistance sa pagtakbo kaya ako tumakbo, hindi ko naman iniisip na i'm the better person for th job, it was more of dahil ayaw niyo kong patakbuhin mas lalo akong tatakbo. e nanalo ako, what now?

i guess, sympre gawin lahat in my capacity to steer the society forward. alam ko naman kaya ko kung kakayanan lang naman ang tanong hanggang kailan?

plus the fact that the future looms near. ano na ang gagawin ko? after college we have to make oppurtunities for ourselves. wala ng parents to finance our tuition fees, everything will be up to us, am i reaady for that?

i'm really insecured and scared but at the same time excited and anticipating.

oh well. i'll just do whatever it is to be done, kung sila nga nagawa nila ako pa? eh si francia ako..

living in false bravado, hayaan niyo na!

Maria Francia Posted At 6:51:00 PM

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one time showing...the conclusion

somehow with that dream, it had me thinking, thinking a lot. everything seems to remind me that i don't have someone special in my life. no one to remind me to eat my lunch or my dinner, someone to greet me good morning everytime the dawn breaks or hold my hand when i feel scared and vulnerable. last wednesday, 2bU had an entire issue on love, how people met and how they became couples. i read each and every article hoping it could inspire me to my one great love.


i have always thought that for me its just going to be one, i will only have one, one great love. that person will sweep off my feet, he will make me feel special and he will make me feel important. i do not expect him to be riding a horse donning an armor suit or clad in basketball jersey, but of course i relish the thought. he should not be intimidated by me, he should be in control of his life, he should be more responsible than i am, he should be dependable. intelligence is a factor, he should be able to keep with me. he should be opinionated and principled, he should love his family, specially his mother, to the point that he loves his mother more than me, because i believe that how he treats his mom is a semblance of how he will treat his future wife.


i know my standards are high, thats why i'm going to wait...i'm going to wait for my great love to be all that i expect him to be. i know God is still preparing him for me, with such standards he needs all the preparation he can get.


in the meantime, i will prepare myself so that i will be deserving of my one great love. i will enjoy my singleness by being everything God intended me to be, i will explore the world and see what i can get from it, then i'll come home to the arms of my one great love.


the feeling of that arms cradling you is bliss, its heaven but i think i can wait, i mean it will be worth the wait, when i'm prepared, when his prepared. right now, i'm just happy being me, happy that the world is the arms ready to embrace me.


i once told a friend that if i ever get to hold the hand of my one great love i will never not let it go. i will still do that when the time is right finally.

Maria Francia Posted At 1:42:00 PM

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one time showing

let start this entry with a song:

naiinis na ako sa iyo

bakit mo ba ako ginaganito

ikaw ba ay naguguluhan sa 'king

tunay na nararamdaman sa iyo

ano pa bang dapat na gawin pa

sa 'king pananamit at pananalita

upang iyong mapagbigyang pansin aking

paghanga at pagtingin sa iyo

@wag mo na sana akong pahirapan pa

kung ayaw mo sa 'kin ay sabihin mo na

wag mo na sana akong ipaasa sa wala

oo na mahal na kung mahal kita

ano pa bang dapat na gawin ko

upang malaman mo ang nadarama ko

upang iyong mapagbigyang pansin

aking paghanga at pagtingin sa iyo

@oo na mahal na kung mahal kita

--wag mo na sana by parokya ni edgar

there's something funny about this song, it has been ringing in my ears for ages now (of course thats an exaggeration!) what's more funny is that i seem to relate to the lyrics even though i am not in this situation.

i rare glimpse of the tyrant's heart.

i'm rather cynic when it comes to the matters of the heart. you rarely hear me talking about this, or even if i do talk about it i follow it up by a YUCK! i'm really not comfortable discussing these matters for one obvious reason, i have never really experienced LOVE as the way lovers see it. when people talk about the heart, i would say its the hypothalamus, stupid. for me its just a matter of biology but things seem to change with my pereception about LOVE. i feel this profound sadness and a bit of emptiness. i have been yearning for so long now. yearning for someone who will be with me in times of hapiness and loneliness, someone to check up on me all the time, someone whom i can share my days activities, my hopes and madness. i know i'm still young, i will find HIM when the time is right, i just want to know that he's somewhere out there, he exist and he exist only for me. i'm feeling quite envious to those people who have somehow felt the love, the care and concern of another person. i wish someone would feel that way about me. people seem to think that i'm indepedent, i don't need anybody, boy are they wrong! i need someone specially now, that i'm entering a critical stage of my existence. i need somone to reassure me, to tell me that its going to be ok, and would tell me, huwag kang matakot, pagkat andito lang ako.

do you know what triggered this feeling, last night i dreamt that i had my somebody, he cradled me in his arms and they felt so good, so good that i can still feel it hours after i woke up. its such a good feeling that its unfair i haven't experienced it.

so sad.

Maria Francia Posted At 12:12:00 AM

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