Celebration

From my last post I sounded so despondent and lonely but its quite contrary to what I'm feeling right now. I am resolved to filling my life with good things like love, music, stories, good people, good relationships, friends, God's love and blessings. And after making that resolution I can't help but smile and feel light. I pray and talk to God a lot about my plans, I'm really happy for the presence of the people around me, they make my life richer. I miss my friends but some of them I see a lot and I'm happy that we have a kind of bond that goes beyond proximity. I don't live a perfect life, I'm having problems making wise decisions when it comes to spending money but I'm learning from it. I figure everyone whose handling their own money for the first time do have that problem. The challenge would be learning from those mistakes. I enjoy learning from them. I'm also having problems with my health, I didn't report to work for two days but I'm fine with it because its a reminder that my body can only take so much and at one point, because of my unconventional lifestyle, it will conk out on me.

About my previous post, I figured that for the entire time I was President I didn't celebrate. There was no point that I celebrated a success that we have rightfully owned. I never celebrated the things that we have accomplished, everything was a sigh of relief for having finish it, no sense of accomplishment or success. I never felt elated that I graduated Cum Laude, it came as no surprise already. Instead of celebrating it I was disappointed because I felt I could have done better and all I did was blame my position for not reaching Magna Cum Laude which in my mind I could have done easily have I not been President. All of my success came as a disappointment because to my mind I can still do better. I was always expecting so much more from myself, that's why I was never contented. There's nothing wrong with wanting the best but sometimes we are caught in all of it that we fail to recongnize the beauty of everything surrounding us. The people, the moments, the simple joys and the everyday success. Maybe that's where the rage came from, from all those things wanting to be recognized and appreciated. The rage could also come from the disappointments that I should have let go along time ago.

I'm learning from it all, I'm contented that I have a work and its making me experience ordinary life, a life wherein I meet everyday people with stories of survival, distress and simple joys. I'm happy that I can express my emotional side and I'm not ashamed to express my concern and care for other people. I'm happy that every Sunday I sing for the Lord and that I surround myself with the innocence of the youth. I'm happy that I'm not rushing to fulfill my dreams, I'm happy with the journey that I'm taking. I'm happy that in the horizon I can still see my dreams and the things that I set out to do. I'm happy that I'm taking time, resting and enjoying everything around me.

This is my celebration!

Dear Lord, Fill my soul with Your eternal love, fill my heart with contentment, and let my love and concern fill other people's lives. Take care of the people I love and please take care of my beloved country. Amen.

Maria Francia Posted At 12:53:00 PM

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I had an accident

Last Monday while everybody was home because of the long weekend, I had a pretty nasty experience. It was the end of my shift after I ate lunch with a friend from work I went home on a Del Carmen bus. Along EDSA the bus crashed into the rear of another bus then swerved, ultimately hitting the post of an overpass in Estrella. The windshield was wrecked and I had a swollen lower lip plus a deformed eyeglasses. Luckily I was sitting at the end of the bus that's why I wasn't wounded by the shrapnels and broken glasses. It could have been worse, good thing I was picky on seats and that I don't want to be seated with somebody else that's why I choose a seat at the rear of the bus.

I'm fine, don't worry, it was a really nerve wracking exprience though. I didn't know what was happening since I didn't see any of it. The only thing I remember was that there was this person asking us to get off the bus, don't panic, and that's when I realized that I have a swollen lip and that my glasses are deformed. When we were getting off the bus I saw the shattered windshield and a woman being transported on a cab, all bloodied. That's when I started shaking, I was shaking so badly I wanted to cry. I hailed a cab and went home immediately, I know I should have stayed since they would be getting our statements, police porcedures and stuff, but I was just so scared and when I got home I was crying while holding a piece of ice to my swollen lip. I was crying like a child. It was really crazy and I was light headed.

And now I'm living my second life.

I'm still shaken and scared from the whole experience .

Good thing it was my weekly off so I didn't have to go to work with a swollen lip but my glasses have to wait until payday.

Such an irony that I had an accident on broad daylight when I was expecting one on the ungodly hours I travel to work which is around 2 am. But I had an accident at 3pm.

On other things, I really appreciate the comments that my previous article got. There's a part 2 for that, it should have been this week's article but I have a more pressing issues to tell. Now, I am processing what happened and I'm beginning to realize the things I had done wrong and how to rectify them.

Thank you God for my second life and all the people who makes my life richer and more beautiful.

Maria Francia Posted At 3:01:00 PM

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Rage

It is my weekly off and as the situation warrants, I slept ul late in the morning. Of course there were intervals but in one of my sleeping moments, I had a very strange dream. I was so angry in my dream that I was shouting at my mom and my brother for some silly reason. I was so angry that when I woke up I was crying because of all the rage.

That's when I realize that I have so much bottled up feelings and emotions, maybe from my experiences and all the things that happened to me in senior year. I haven't healed yet from all the pain and disappointments other people and myself included caused. It's been a while since I cried and I miss doing it. It's not really healthy keeping feelings because they will erupt in your most unguarded moments, in my case, in dreams. It's like what Freud discussed that our unconscious would emerge eventually in our behavior and dreams. Right now I feel numb, I don't feel emotions the way I use to feel them. I miss that feeling and I miss being human, because for me the core of being human is the ability to define emotion and feel them.

I never realized I was so wounded. I expected so much from myself that when everything got so disappointing I just became indifferent rather than facing them.

I have to heal and I have to learn how to deal with my demons.

Maria Francia Posted At 5:12:00 PM

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Ang Buhay Call Center

nasa trabaho ako ngayon, 7:01 am ayon sa aking Avaya Phone. 4 am ang start ng shift ko, kaya maaga akong gumising, technically di ko alam kung maaga bang matatawag yun o kung anong tamang depenisyon para dun. 1 ako gumising upang maghanda at pumunta sa aking trabaho. noong una nakakatakot mag lakbay ng madaling araw, konti ang mga tao sa labas at kung meron man malamang lasing sila o di kaya tulad ko, call center agents. masaya naman, kasi feeling mo ibang dimensyon kayo kahit na nasa Pilipinas naman kayo pare pareho. Pag alis ko ng bahay medyo hilo pa ako, sino ba naman ang hindi mahihilo, eh 1 am ang gising mo di ba? hindi pa gaanong "acclimated" ang katawan ko sa sistema, pero pagdating ng opisina medyo nakakapag adjust ka na kasi sobrang maliwanag sa office, tinadtad ng ilaw ang lugar na to para mag mukhang umaga at maloko mo ang iyong pinneal gland na umaga at hindi ka antukin habang kinakausap mo ang mga Amerikano. Pero iba pa din ang sikat ng araw, napatunayan ko to kapag lumalabas ako ng opsina, nakakasilaw ang sikat ng araw, kaya madalas naka Cap ako. Tanghali na paglabas ko dito at sasakay na ako ng bus. Meron pang isang gamit ang cap ko, dahil nakakatulog ako sa bus suot ang cap ko at hindi nila ako namumukaan kaya hindi naman ako nahihiyang matulog. Oo, naranasan ko ng lumagpas dahil nakatulog ako, buti na lang hindi naman masyadong malayo yung nalagpasan sa akin.

Ang sweldo

Tulad ng nasabi ng marami, relatively mataas ang sweldo ng mga agents sa karaniwang manggagawa. Binibigyan nito ng pagkakataon ang mga agents na mamuhay ng "marangya". Starbucks, Cab papunta sa work, fancy restaurants, fast food all the time, magandang telepono, at kung anu ano pa. Ang mga kompanya mismo nagbibigay ng mga gadgets upang lalong maramdaman ng mga agents ang karanyaan ng kanilang trabaho. IPOD, telepono, TV at kung anu ano pa. Oo, mayaman ka sa material na bagay. Pero saan ba talaga napupunta ang pera. Kapag inisip mo malaki talaga, pero hindi pala. Una, kapag gabi o madaling araw ang shift mo walang bukas na carinderia o budget meals kaya mapipilitan kang mag fast food at kapag inaraw araw mo wala talagang matitira sayo. Pangalawa, dahil sa gabi ang trabaho madalang ang mga sasakyan na magdadala sayo sa lugar ng trabaho mo, so mag cab ka ngayon at kapag inaraw araw mo yun, ubos ang pera mo. Hindi mo rin alam ang napuntahan ng pera. In hindsight, it evens out the advantage you have from other people who works on regular hours. Sinong nagsabing malaki ang sweldo naming mga call center agents, hihiga ka pa din sa sahig at matutulog ka sa bus kahit na ganun ang kalagayan ng trabaho mo. isa pang pupuntahan nito ay gamot, malaki ang posibilidad na magkasakit ka dahil sa uri ng trabahong meron ka, lalo na sa mga kakabaihan. Madalas ang iron deficiency lalo kapag meron ka, doon din mapupunta ang sweldo mo. Pambili ng gamot. At upang maiwasan ang pagkakasakit mo, kailangan mo ng Supplements tulad ng LiverAide, dahil madalas kayong mag inuman kakailanganin niyo ang LiverAide. (joke to!) Ang point nun ay malaki ang sweldo kung regular working conditions, pero kung hindi ganun din.

Ang mga customers

maayos namang kausap ang mga Amerikano, meron talagang likas na asshole at wala na tayong magagawa dun huwag na lang nating pansinin. marami naman na mababait at tao kausap, pareho din ng lahat ng tao sa mundo. ang napansin ko lang, dahil travel ang hawak namin, madaming mga immigrants ang nagiipon ng miles upang makauwi sa sarili nilang mga bayan. malungkot at parang mapapaisip ka dahil oo nga't malawak ang mundo, lahat pwede mong gawin pero lahat ng tao nagnanais na balikan ang mga sarili nilang bayan. meron akong vietnamese na caller na nagtanong magkano para makauwi siya ng Vietnam. para silang mga Pilipino na naghahanap buhay sa ibang bansa na gumagawa ng paraan na makabalik sa pinas at muli makapiling ang kanilang mahal sa buhay.

ganyan ang realidad ng mundo. malalaman mo ito sa pakikipag usap mo sa lahat ng uri ng tao, abutin man sang lupalop ng mundo.

okay tong trabaho ko, i can read and write in between calls.

Maria Francia Posted At 8:38:00 AM

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