unHinged

those-stupid-but-fun-to-answer-questionnaire

2007-11-09T16:45:00.001+08:00

1. When is the last time you held handswith someone?
- I'm not sure not that I'm keeping track

2. What should you be doing right now?
- encoding evaluation forms

3 . Have you ever crawled through awindow?
- no

4. Where is your mom?
- at home

5 . Morning or night person?
- morning

6. What was the last movie you watched?
- Flags of Our Father

7. ...where?
- bahay lang

8. Any cool scars?
- my newest scar from my mt. banahaw climb

9. Things about the opposite/same sex you notice first:
- teeth

10. What was the last cd you bought?
- avril lavigne's recent cd

11 . Ever been in love?
- i think so yes (yikee!)

12. What's something your friends makefun of you for?
- my silly jokes and reactions

13. What is your curfew?- wala na

14. Would you ever dye your hair red?
- i'm actually reflecting on doing that, pero hindi na siguro

16. What's your worst personality flaw?
- i think too much

17. What place would you most like to visit?
- Salzburg, Austria

1 8. Who's your best friend?
- bosom friend, faith amposta

19. Do you want a well paying job or ajob you enjoy?
- a job i enjoy, like what I have right now

20. Do you wish to have the samefriends when you're older?-
sure but of course i would love to have new friends too

23. When were you last on the phone?
- about an hour ago

25 . Do you like math?
- nah

26. What about history?
- super

27. Have you ever seen 5 squirrels at one time?
- nah

28 . Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
- nope, but i've been trying

29. Do you have a brother?
- yes, older brother

30. Did your great granddad fight inthe civil war?
- i'm not sure but that would be the collest

31. Who's your favorite person to talkto?
- faith

32. Have you ever used photobucket?
- yes, i used this before to post pictures on my blog.

33. Do you like hugs?
- sure

34. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
- nope

35. Do you want to be a doctor?
- nope, not much of a science person

36. Have you ever fallen asleep withgum in your mouth?
- yeah i think

37. What do you do right before you go to bed?
- watch the news and thank God for a wonderful day

38. Right when you get outta bed?
- pray and plan my day

39. Do you love your parents?
- of course!

40 . What music are you listening toright now:
- RX

41. Do you want to be famous?
- yes for the right reasons of course

42. Do you spend a lot of time thinkingabout life?
- YES!

43. Do you do your own laundry?
- nope

45. Do you believe in love?
- absolutely, i think

46. Ever want to sky dive?
- nah, not much of an extreme sports person

47. When was the last time you got angry?
- i don't get angry, i think this is a character flaw.

48. Are you addicted to MySpace?
- nope

49. Would you classify yourself as clever?
- define clever, not sure. Made some not so wise decisions but all part of growing up, right?

50. What do you hate the most at the moment?
- my voice! I am so malat! Everyone is making fun of me at the office.

hard work

2007-11-04T20:42:00.000+08:00

this is the most used word i know, if you can't think of anything else to describe a person you say this because everyone knows this word but the definition is relative, what might be hard work for you, might be easy for me. I guess it varies to your experience of hard work. an office worker who stays in the office for more than eight hours maybe considered a hard worker but if analyzed, maybe the office worker is not maximizing the eight hours given to him. in this sense hard work is relative and hard work takes different definitions in every situation.

i consider myself a hardworker because many people tells me so and i feel that i always provide 101 %. (of course, this is modesty aside. hehehe) quite frankly, it is difficult to be a hard worker because lady luck doesn't get on your side. in retrospect i cannot remember a moment in my life that i was lucky, i never won a raffle, those pick a prize gimmicks never work for me. all the things that i achieved in my life, its all because of hard work, if I got accolades when i was still studying, its because I work hard for them. and if I want to achieve more things for myself and my life, the formula is simple, yes you got that right, it's work hard.

there are people really born lucky, they don't usually work as hard but they get so many perks in life. I am not sure if luck is the proper word, i know they work to get where they are right now but the hard worker usually has to work twice to get to where the lucky one is. is this a defeatist attitude? or a mere excuse? I think it is just a realization on my part to accept things as they are, that I am resigned to my fate to work hard, it doesn't necessarily mean its bad, it is just the way things are and accepting what is, is much more easier and will make hard work a way life rather than a hurdle everytime you encounter it.instead of whining or complaining about the other person's fate (read: the lucky one), this way you'll get to appreciate what you have and really value what you earned from working hard.

Post Climb Syndrome

2007-10-18T18:09:00.001+08:00

It has been less than a week when we had our climb but my body isn't back to normal yet. I feel so tired, sluggish, and sleepy. And for some weird reason I always find myself eating or craving for food. I feel so starved its as if I've already used half of my body's energy for that climb, when in fact the trail or the climb wasn't that difficult except maybe for the mud and the occasional slides, compared to my previous climb this is pretty easy. Although I had some major scratches it was not because of the trail but because of the weather. I'd love to do it again after my body recuperates and maybe I'll face a more challenging mountain, perhaps Mt. Cristobal, of course I'll have to prepare tremendously.

Mountain climbing is a very rewarding experience and a humbling one at that. It is different feeling knowing how you were able to survive such difficult experience, it requires a lot of preparation, courage and discipline and you get to appreciate the small things in life, like going to a decent bathroom. My goal on my next climb is to go Number 2 and actually do it the way mountaineers do.

Aside from climbing, life has been pretty hectic, busy and confusing. I am now a member of Singles for Christ. It is a lay community under the Couples for Christ dedicated for single Christians trying to live a Christian-like life. And I have to say it's a daunting task, I could say that it is more difficult to live a Christian-like life than continue my old ways. It is difficult to stick to the values when your values are challenged every step of the way, you have to have a good resolve if you are really bent on living a life that is Christ centered and it has been a struggle for me bacause I am forced to look at myself from the outside, to evaluate my life, if its actually a life worth living or if my ways are actually according to what God has planned for me.

I've seen Stranger than Fiction and I would really recommend you see it. It is a very interesting movie and you'll enjoy the unconventional plot and the way it was presented. Although Dustin Hoffman was not really convincing as a Literature professor, he had his own brilliant moments. Will Ferrell was really good as Harold Crick, he was such a believable lonely IRS Agent and Maggie Gyllenhaal played her role very well. It got me thinking, if my life was a novel I wonder how the author would describe it. Do I count my brush strokes? Do I unwittingly count the steps? What are the mundane things I do? And ultimately I wonder how would I die. Will it be romantic? Tragic? I wonder.

I stumbled on this website posting love letters, I haven't written one in a while and it got me thinking what would I say if I were to write a love letter.

I'd share it with you once I'm done!

A glass of ice cold Coke seems like a really good idea.

Sale! Sale! Sale!

2007-10-16T18:08:00.000+08:00

Going Outdoors

2007-10-16T17:47:00.000+08:00

I just concluded my second climb in six months. This time its Mt. Banahaw in Tayabas, Quezon. So we didn't reach the summit but it was challenging nonetheless because of the terrain and the weather, it was practically raining making the trail very muddy and sticky, good thing my Columbia shoes didn't fail me. It was up to the task of bringing me up and down the mountain safely. Although I suffered MAJOR scratches and insect bites it was an experience I will never forget plus I really learned a lot. The science of climbing was better explained to me this time. The technology of the tents and the cook set was better elaborated and now I understand why people get hooked on climbing. I want to really invest in this activity, be a serious climber, like buy good bag, earth pad, maybe get a tent (that will be the day), because it's a good hobby and lifestyle and it will teach you self discipline not to mention survival skills.

Our new concept store, R.O.X in Bonifacio High Street will be opening in a few days and as part of the training of our people they have to experience the outdoors so that they can better explain the technology to the customers. That's why we have activities such as this. I had fun and I am really inspired to have a evry active and "outdoor-ish" lifestyle. It keeps you grounded and humble by everything you see and experience and that you are just a small part of something big, bigger than you and me.

the need for inspiration

2007-09-25T18:49:00.001+08:00

in·spi·ra·tion (ĭn'spə-rā'shən) - noun, stimulation of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity, the condition of being so stimulated.

i am so not inspired these days. maybe its bacause of lack of information or stories. i haven't been reading much lately and this has caused my brain to stop functioning the way it used to. i haven't read a book in a while that's why inspiration escapes me. i'm running out of stories to tell or creative genes to produce. i need inspiration. and i need it fast, maybe stories from inspirational people or works done by some exceptional person, i don't know. i just need inspiration. i feel like an artist looking for a muse. and i'm not even talking about the opposite sex here. i'm talking of a motivation, an idea, sort of a diesel to make the engine start. my head is filled with flimsy ideas and it pains me to know that i cannot come up with anything that what i have learned in college will not do that i need to learn on my own, be self sufficient and receptive of the ideas.

hopefully, inspiration finds me.

The saGuijo Experience

2007-07-21T20:38:00.000+08:00

Last June 30, 2007, Bratpack, one of our concept store sponsored a rock concert at saGuijo in Makati. I don't usually go to this kind of event because I have fear of crowds. My mom always tells me that this kind of event have their way of getting out of hand. Well, I have been to concerts many times and I haven't had that kind of experience, YET. So there. I went to saGuijo expecting to see Sugarfree, my favorite band, Sandwich, Pedicab, Cambio, Fatal Posporos and Rivermaya. The main motivation in going to saGuijo was Sugarfree. But I had so much fun that maybe even without them I would still enjoy the whole evening until early morning. First, I was with my brother, very seldom do we hang out or do things together that's why I was very happy I was with my borther that night. Second, I was with my best bud in the office. We agree on a lot of things specially in terms of music and basketball and I am happy that we got to listen to cool songs, he was with his girlfriend so no romantic links there. It was the night I spent with two of my favorite boys.

I had a blast! The venue was steaming hot. It was a small place, like a house converted to become a concert hall. The "stage" was so close to the crowd you can see Ebe's tongue. I was that close to Ebe. If I extend my arm I would be able to touch him. He was THAT CLOSE. My officemate said that the smile on my face was so sweet while I was head banging to the music and singing with Ebe and the crowd. Who wouldn't be smiling when you're that close to your favorite band. He was such a performer. He stood up on the speaker and touched the ceiling while singing. He was so entertaining and professional. How he sounded on the cd, was exactly how sounded live. I wasn't disappointed with their set although they only sang 6 songs and everyone in the crowded was asking for more. I had so much fun listening to them and being so close to Ebe, I wish the night would last forever. I even asked my brother to have Ebe sign my CD and he did. He wrote Salamat Francia. It was such a wonderful experience seeing and listening to Sugarfree. Eventhough they took such a long time to set up, it was all worth the wait. Raimund Marasigan was all over the place.He was the lead with Sandwich, organ with Pedicab and Drums with Cambio.He is electrifying and such fun person to watch.

But I guess the most poignant performance was that of Rivermaya. We all know what happened to them and you can feel the sadness in everyone from the band members to the crowd. Indeed there is a void and the wound that is Rico Blanco still lingers and the uncertainty of the band's future still hung low in everyone's mind. Every song though not sung beatifully have so much emotion in them. I felt very close to the band and the people and I can feel the sadness. Although the crowd was very supportive still it was different.

I love to this every now and then. This is my kind of people, this is my kind of activity. I have learned so much that night. Every word sung by the crowd has a different feel. It has a different meaning to them maybe because the word resonates, the meaning of the words finds their resting place on the hearts of the young people. Just the way it is with me. I find meaning and profound connection with the songs Sugarfree. It's as if they speak my language, it's as if they know what I feel. And that's why I'm forever thankful for the gift of music. It's the words that cannot be spoken. It's the words immortalize.

Growing Pains

2007-06-24T10:09:00.000+08:00

I love watching movies from Disney Channel because of the good values it teaches and how it ends up, always, on a good note. It shows a teenager in dilemma and that same person would find his way to righteousness with the help of his parents and friends. Somehow in these movies life is perfect and things would be okay and dandy. i hope everything is like that in real life. i like seeing the pains of growing up, the confusion growing up brings to people. i guess because I'm in that phase of my life that I need to grow up and be mature because everyday you are presented with responsibilities you need to take on. and somehow the movies gives me relief that I'm not the only one experiencing these growing pains. of course their dilemmas are apt for say eleven year olds but then again, i just need some relief.

my favorite book or story of all time is Anne of Green Gables because its all about growing up. its about a girl who seemed innocent and clumsy, at most, but eventually as the story progressed she became one elegant and mature woman, of course not without troubles. the experiences and events shaped her to be as such and also she's conscientious that's why growing up and being mature came eventually for her. it is in a way an inspiration because although everybody predicted that she will be troublesome, which she was, she overcame that and proved that there are many aspects to growing up and becoming the best person you can be despite circumstances and environment that you're in. She's one BIG heart and I honestly want to be like her, someone who'll emerge graceful despite going through all the heartache and pain. i want to have a big heart like her, a heart which can accommodate all the people that needs a home to rest. i want people to feel how much God loves them maybe through me. I want to be HIS instrument the way He made Anne His instrument for me to imitate.

i miss the feeling of going round and round and round and just allowing yourself to fall and lie on you back and just look at the sky. I don't think I can do that anymore since I'm already "old".

so what's this talk about children and growing up? well it's just that I'm feeling the pressure of growing up and being mature. i feel so childish at times. my mind is filled with things that a grown person shouldn't be thinking about like love and all the transient ideas. i feel so inferior to people wiser than me and those who act so maturely, so sure of themselves. I look up to these people who brings about change and can carry themselves well. i guess that's where all the sadness comes from. The pressures of growing up is getting to me and it's quite a difficult and heavy burden.

on a completely different note.

i just realized that even though you're old or wise it doesn't exempt you from feeling sad or lonely. you may have all the riches and accolades in the world but when left alone, like everyone else in this planet, you'll start to look for that piece of your heart left with someone else, destined to complete you.

wow, it took me 21 years to figure that out! whew.

I Conquered Mt. Daguldul

2007-04-28T09:25:00.000+08:00

I know it's not Mt. Everest but for a relatively obese-couch potato-doesn't exercise-first time mountain climber, this is already an amazing feat. Mt. Daguldul is one of the more climable mountains in the Batangas Area it has an elevation of 670 meters. Compared to mountains climbed by previous batches Mt. Daguldul offers a more challenging trail.

It was my very first time to take on an outdoor activity. The closest trekking that I ever went through was the outreach program in Pampanga. I was very excited and scared when I first learned that I would be joining the first batch in trekking Mt. Daguldul. Everybody was telling me that it would be a difficult climb and that the mountain was very steep. I started to eat less and I did a lot of walking in preparation for the climb.

I woke up early on April 26, the day of the climb. We rendezvous at MRT Buendia Station and we rode a van until San Juan Batangas going through Candelaria, Quezon where we got the chance to eat some tasty lomi and chami. The initial plan was to take a boat until the Jump Off Station but there were no boats available. Below the mountain was the beach so to get to the mountain we need to ride a bangka. Instead of doing that, we had to ride a jeepney. I was scared during the jeepney ride because the road was beside a ravine and it was a curvy road. Nonetheless we reached the jump off station, ate our lunch, did our stretching and warms ups and prayed. That was about 3:00 in the afternoon. We were actually way behind schedule. We were already hurrying up since it might get dark and we want to set up camp before darkness envelop us. I was optimistic at the start of the climb and then I started to breathe heavily, I can hear my heartbeat in my throat, it was thumping so loud. Everyone thought it was over for me that I would already give up. And then I started to walk slowly and paced myself, we're just 30 minutes into walking and I'm already giving up? NO! I started to make small goals, like I'd go for that big rock, then I'd motivate myself to get to that tree. And ever so slowly I achieved my little goals. Before I knew it I am already half way through the mountain. There were a lot of pit stops along the way. A lot of families have already populated the area. There were houses that sell halo halo and buko. There were even electric meters attached in the trees. So its relatively safe to trek to the mountains.

Just one of the scenes during the climb

More Scenes

Around 5:30 pm we reached the campsite. The summit was already within reach we had to postpone until morning since it was getting late. And this welcomed us. The sun about to set and fog already setting in. It was amazing. I can't even describe the feeling of seeing such a wonderful scene! It was glorious and magnificent, only God can make something as beautiful as this. It was also very cold at the top. Winds were very strong, it was so different from the climate here in Manila. It was so beautiful at the top.

On Top of Mt. Daguldul

God's handiwork

We cooked dinner using the provisions we prepared and had some activties before we went to sleep on our tents. It was my firs time to sleep on a tent. It was uncomfortable but since we were so tired it didn't matter. We slept like babies and it was so cold that's why it was so nice to sleep.

Day 2. To be continued..

Wide Eye Wonder

2007-04-14T19:55:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since I last updated by blog, let's just say I just went on a hiatus. So many things have happened since I last updated it. For starters, I have a new job. It's not a glamorous one nor does it pay as much as my previous job but I'm really happy and excited with the prospects of this new one. I'm an HR Associate for Training and OD at Primer Group of Companies. We are the official distributor of Samsonite Luggages, Jansport, The North Face, Kickers, LA Gear and other premium goods. You might not have heard of the company but our brands are pretty popular not only here in the Philippines but elsewhere. The first few months are a bit unnerving but the prospects are really exciting and I can feel that I can contribute so much to the company, I feel I really belong here. The office is located at Binondo and I'm happy with the location although come July will be moving to our own building in Malate. I know you're asking, how come I didn't choose a work near our place, since I already reside in Makati. Well, I feel that when I'm in Manila the possibility of me studying is much bigger than when I'm working elsewhere. The vibe is different when I'm in Manila. I feel it's real and this is the Philippines that I want to see or know not the superficiality of Makati or any city pretending to be successful when in fact, it is full of problems. It's also near UST and it bring a lot of memories. It's quite a challenge but I think I can face it. I'm still learning.

I had a very interesting Lenten Season. As I have already mentioned, I joined a choir and we were assigned to sing during the Washing of Feet Rites at Las Piñas and on our own Parish we sung during the Easter Vigil Mass together with another choir. It was quite a challenge since there were a lot of songs to be studied and let me tell you they are not simple. It was the first time in all of my 20 years of being a Catholic to actually see the rituals performed. And seeing it reinforced my faith in the Catholic Church, the symbols and rituals makes Catholicism special. It makes us different from other religions. The rich symbols and rituals remind us of how God deeply loves His people and fulfills His promises. It has been passsed down from generation to generation and everytime we are reminded how God provided us with everything and more and I doubt He'll ever stop giving us what we need. We just need to trust Him and believe in His power. I also joined a Christian Life Program at our Parish organized by the Singles for Christ. No, I didn't join the program in hopes of finding a boyfriend, far from it. I joined the program to develop a deeply personal relationship with the Lord, if indeed I meet someone, that's just a plus. Boys and boyfriends are new matter, altogether.

I was observing this kid one time and I saw his big eyes full of wonder upon seeing the city. We were both in a jeepney and it seems that it was his first time to see it. I hope that's the way with us adults that we face new experiences with big eyes of wonderment and we would always be kids at heart always curious and never afraid to ask. Growing up is a very difficult business, it's lonely and complicated. You miss people, you want to do things but you are always disappointed and frustrated. Your emotions are a wreck! Everything is confusing but with the love of God you'll get by and you'll get through. Honestly, I'm still adjusting with everything going on in my life. Hoping that everything will turn out fine.

2007-01-31T17:47:00.000+08:00

I'M TAKING CHARGE!

Out of Touch

2007-01-13T21:06:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure if I ever used this title before but I feel that this is apt for this article. Most of the time I'm just home chilling, watching TV, and surfing the net, since I'm not currently employed I have a lot of time to think about things, my life and how it changed since I last remebered it. Growing up is very difficult because you are torn between two things that are equally important to you but then you have to choose. One is reality and the other is ideal. In your mind you have a perfect picture of who you want to be. You have a clear idea of where you're working, what your doing on a daily basis and people you hang out with but like a cold splash of water you'll realize that, that's next to impossible so you have no choice but to choose reality, contradicting my earlier statement I think between reality and ideal you really have no choice because you'll be forced to go with reality since you are pressured by everyone to go with it, sometimes fighting for the ideal is moot and academic, fighting for it will just leave you disappointed and frustrated.

That's where I am right now. Giving up on the ideal and starting to accept that I need to wake up and smell the coffee, as the proverbial saying goes. When you start accepting reality, the whole idea of yourself become skewed and unclear and just like that you'll realize that you don't know who you really are. Your previous definition of yourself is attached to the ideal not with reality. You'll have to start over and begin to look deeper and try to merge your idea of yourself with reality. The important thing to remember is that even if the definition changes, your values must not because whatever paradigm you're in, the values that are dear to you will somehoew predict how you are going to act in a certain situation, the paradigm which it revolves, it meaning your life, will be the one changing. Think of it as a car, the motor or whatever it is that makes the car move stays the same its just that if you think you're a Ferrari before but you'll realize that you're a Ford pala. That's how I see my life right now. I'm starting to let go some things and start accepting that relinquishing your ideal self need not be painful you'll just have to accept that there are better things for you not neccessarily ones that you imagined but more or less better.

It's difficult to grow up. You have choices, responsibilities, rights, ideas and feelings all of which makes life more beautiful but just the same they are the source of your misery when they start to contradict with each other. You have to choose responsibly within the framework of your rights and ideas and put all your feelings to that decision live with it and face its consequences.

The PGH Experience

2006-12-26T23:47:00.000+08:00

After resigning from my work I immediately embarked on the job of a nurse. I had to take care of my niece who just went under the knife for an ASD Patch Closure. Her heart has a hole and had to be "patched" using some synthetic material. The operation went well except that the cathether used as a tube in her neck was left in her body. The next day following her heart procedure she had to go through another operation to try to remove the catheter, but no such luck. The object was broken into 4 pieces and was placed in different parts of the body to keep it from interfering with the organs, like the lungs, from functioning properly. What the doctors expect to happen is that the object will be embedded in the body's system and the body will adapt to the foreign object and just wrap tissues around it making it permanently part of the body.

It's screaming medical malpractice, isn't it? But because we went in on Charity this is already good as gone. We are very much thankful for all the doctors for staying with her during the whole ordeal but somehow we feel that this could have been prevented. One of the rumors was that patients from Charity doesn't usually get the good doctors but those who are still practicing to become doctors, so in effect Charity patients become guinea pigs. To some extent, there's nothing wrong with that because if you think about it how will they learn to become efficient doctors if they cannot practice what they learn, the twist here is that why do they have to do it with their poor patients? They practice their craft with poor patients so that they can better serve their paying patients, now that's kind of screwed. For a public, government funded, and an educational institution the welfare of the patients specially the poor ones should be prioritized, the wise and popular words of Magsaysay comes into mind in this situation, "the ones who has less in life should have more in law". It's very difficult to go in on charity. Nurses can wake you up in the middle of the night to ask you get some medicine or whatever the hell they need. During the operation you had to be at the OR's door because you have to run errands for them. You have to answer their every beck and call. And since they have limited supplies you have to buy your own. And the prices of the medicines are pretty ridiculous too. One vial can cost up to 2000 pesos. No wonder a lot of patients die even from simple illnesses because of the very poor quality being provided by our hospitals. Not too mention the nurses, I understand that they're in a lot of pressure from heavy workloads ( 1 nurse to 17 beds or patients) but sometimes their foul attitudes make matters worst. You can't ask them anything, if you try to ask them they'll take it as if you're being a smart ass but all you're trying to do is ask, so none of the patients ask, what medicine they're taking in, hell knows if its poison or what instrument is being attached to them. Of course there are also exceptional nurses who goes beyond the call of duty and serves with full sincerity and kindness.

As for my niece, she's recovering well. It seems that her blood is not developing some kind of virus or bacteria that's why she was allowed to go home 6 days after the operation. The rest of the healing process is to be done at home, she has to take in meds to keep infections from forming on her body specially now that she has a remembrance from the operation that she will keep for the rest of her life.

It's a very difficult ordeal, financially, spiritually and physically. December is actually a good time to be confined at the pediatric charity ward of PGH. There are a lot of outreach activities done, many good hearted souls bring in groceries, toys, some even provide meds. Lucio Tan, through his son, even gave 20,000 pesos to each of the patients there. At first I was kind of cynic to all the outreach programs conducted at the hospital, for me it was like they were only doing it because they want to feel good that they have done something nice. The thing is its actually a good trade off since for a short time patients and their families get to forget that they are suffering. Somehow you get entertained when people visit, its really important that you visit people when their sick, it reminds them that they on their own and someone is willing to share the burden with them.

It's a pretty life altering experience for me.

Thank You So Much for Calling!

2006-11-19T08:19:00.000+08:00

I have finally decided to call it quits with my short live call center career. The date: December 15, I feel that this is the perfect date for me to leave and somehow I am at peace with that decision, no regrets and definitely no doubts. When I told my parents my decision, they agreed and I prayed for this one so I guess it is His plan for me to say goodbye to my days as a customer service agent. I'm so excited for Decmber 15 to come, I have so many plans with my friends and also here at home. Although I'll miss the generous incentives, I think my health and well being is much more important than anything money can buy. I also feel that working on Christmas day would bring immense sadness and just thinking of working on Christamas day almost bring tears to my eyes.

With this decision came my emancipation, admittedly these past couple of months have been very challenging and difficult on my part. I haven't gotten used to the idea yet that I am no longer a kid or a student and that I have to face the harsh realities of life. I am now slowly trying to reconcile the fact that I am an adult already with responsibilities and has purpose in life. Gone are the days when you can just talk your way out of things or use your charms. You have to use your talents in order to get ahead in life. You have to show the world what you have because if you don't nobody will care. The greatest challenge in life is staying true to your values and standing by your faith when everything around you is so screwed up. Believing in the power much mightier than you are and just casting it all unto Him.

The first step is always acceptance. I know good things are about to happen. I can feel it.

I am slowly cleaning my closet, starting with the name tags bearing my name. I am keeping them some place so that I can look at them once in a while and be reminded of the good ol' days but not being constantly reminded of the past.

Survey..(because of lack of better things to say/write)

2006-10-15T11:13:00.000+08:00

1.who's the last person in ur inbox
MAIL: Karen PHONE: April CFC FRIENDSTER: CB

2. sport you did last? Sport? Naku di ko na maalala..

3. last movie you watched? Shawshank Redemption

4. what do people first notice when they meet you? Masungit daw ako eh, ayun sa kanilang impression. Pero hindi naman di ba? Tsaka mukha lang talaga akong stern.

5. do you like peanut-butter? okay lang, pero i prefer cheese

6. do you read comics? YEAH! Calvin and Hobbes (thanks to June), Archie comics tsaka yung nasa Inquirer na comics, Kiko Machine pala.

7. how pretty/handsome is your crush? Very handsome, kaso ang dami ko kasing crush kaya di ko mapin point eh, si Leo deCaprio was looking very good in the movie The Departed kaya ngayon siya muna and wala naman sigurong magcocontest ng kagwapuhan niya di ba?

8. do you like earthquakes? Hahaha. sino kayang may gusto ng earthquake noh?

9. worst nightmare? falling in a very deep crevice

10. favorite coffee place? coffeeplace? hindi naman ako masyadong ma-Coffee place eh, pwede na rin siguro yung Nescafe Freeze sa Mini Stop tsaka yung Cafe Latte ng Zagu.. Layo ng sagot ko. So in short Mini Stop at Zagu ang fave coffee place? Pwde ba yun? hahahahaha.

11. wanna be happy? parang earthquake question to ah. SURE, why not?

12. your current school close friends? college friends ko na sana lagi kong nakikita.. si Cocoy na lagi ko atang kasama, selected friends from HS.

13. most people would describe me as? Seryoso, deep (parang balon. labo nun ah)

14. thing/s you hate about yourself? - hate about myself? di naman hate, minsan lang sana hindi ako laging nag iisip? yung ganun? lagi kasi akong nag iisip eh.

15. vegetable you hate? wala naman.. sigarilyas siguro.

16. do you like to go out on a shopping trip? why not, basta may pang shopping at very helpful ang mga ate sa mga tindahan why not.

17. favorite persons in the world? good question.. madami eh, basketball players. dwayne wade, world leaders, faith, ode, bianca, may s., june, cocoy, dar, ays, mam. chrisma, yung mga first year ko (first year pa rin sila sa puso ko, 1bes1 and 1bes2 batch 2006),

18. can you dance? yeah sure.. i miss dancing na nga eh

19. favourite past time? watching movies, reading, working on my blog, strolling, good conversations.

20. Are you happy? I wish i could say yes

21. what is the worst rumor you've heard? rumor? madami eh, it's not worth remembering and i'd rather not think about it.

22. what time is it now? 11:25 on Sunday Morning

23. first thing you do when you wake up? look at my phone, to see what time it is.

24. where are you right now? internet shop malapit sa bahay kasi wala pa kaming phone di tuloy ako makapag internet..

25. what are the things you like to do alone? read, watch movies, mag isip ng mag isip

26. are you ok now? paanong okay.. medyo..

27. how many drinks before you get really drunk? i don't know and i really don't wanna know..

28. what can you say about the person who sent this to you? i copied it from Ode's blog. She's one amazing friend and I miss her a lot..

29. what is love to you? A very different and wonderful feeling.

30. are u missing some people? Oh yeah! refer to article below.

And I Miss You

2006-09-16T18:40:00.000+08:00

I am never a big fan of emo rock or whatever the pop pinoy bands call it these days. I like one, maybe two songs of say, spongecola or some of those kind of bands but I am never a big fan of theirs but this particualr song of Callalily finds resonance in me, for some odd reason. Especially these lines:

If only you could hear me shout your name
If only you could feel my love again
The stars in the sky will never be the same
If only you were here

A picture of you reminds me
How the days have gone so empty
And why do you have to leave me
Without saying that you love me

Maybe because I am really missing someone and I hope that he can hear me shout his name, of course, figuratively. It has come to a point that I find it so pathetic because it has been ages since we last talked and it wasn't a good conversation at all. I just want to find out how he's doing. If he's still having those weird sickness of his that would make me worry and tell him all kinds of remedy I know. How his organization is doing under his leadership or maybe the party is already putting pressure on him because they are nearing the election phase. I just wanted to ask him so many questions but it seems that I'll never know the answers. I miss him a lot that sometimes the world would just stop and I'll remember him and suddenly I'll feel sad and sometimes I'd cry. I don't know how I came to this point or how it all happened. I'm racking my mind for answers but it just doesn't give me any logic or rationale to it. I can't believe I did all those things I did for him or felt whatever it is that I feel for him. I just want to take care of him but I guess he doesn't need it. Oh well.

Dear Lord, thank you for the wonderful people in my life, those who stayed, those who left and those who will be coming. Thank you for allowing me to feel this way. It feels so human. Please take good care of him and let him know that I'm always praying for him. Amen.

Celebration

2006-08-29T12:53:00.000+08:00

From my last post I sounded so despondent and lonely but its quite contrary to what I'm feeling right now. I am resolved to filling my life with good things like love, music, stories, good people, good relationships, friends, God's love and blessings. And after making that resolution I can't help but smile and feel light. I pray and talk to God a lot about my plans, I'm really happy for the presence of the people around me, they make my life richer. I miss my friends but some of them I see a lot and I'm happy that we have a kind of bond that goes beyond proximity. I don't live a perfect life, I'm having problems making wise decisions when it comes to spending money but I'm learning from it. I figure everyone whose handling their own money for the first time do have that problem. The challenge would be learning from those mistakes. I enjoy learning from them. I'm also having problems with my health, I didn't report to work for two days but I'm fine with it because its a reminder that my body can only take so much and at one point, because of my unconventional lifestyle, it will conk out on me.

About my previous post, I figured that for the entire time I was President I didn't celebrate. There was no point that I celebrated a success that we have rightfully owned. I never celebrated the things that we have accomplished, everything was a sigh of relief for having finish it, no sense of accomplishment or success. I never felt elated that I graduated Cum Laude, it came as no surprise already. Instead of celebrating it I was disappointed because I felt I could have done better and all I did was blame my position for not reaching Magna Cum Laude which in my mind I could have done easily have I not been President. All of my success came as a disappointment because to my mind I can still do better. I was always expecting so much more from myself, that's why I was never contented. There's nothing wrong with wanting the best but sometimes we are caught in all of it that we fail to recongnize the beauty of everything surrounding us. The people, the moments, the simple joys and the everyday success. Maybe that's where the rage came from, from all those things wanting to be recognized and appreciated. The rage could also come from the disappointments that I should have let go along time ago.

I'm learning from it all, I'm contented that I have a work and its making me experience ordinary life, a life wherein I meet everyday people with stories of survival, distress and simple joys. I'm happy that I can express my emotional side and I'm not ashamed to express my concern and care for other people. I'm happy that every Sunday I sing for the Lord and that I surround myself with the innocence of the youth. I'm happy that I'm not rushing to fulfill my dreams, I'm happy with the journey that I'm taking. I'm happy that in the horizon I can still see my dreams and the things that I set out to do. I'm happy that I'm taking time, resting and enjoying everything around me.

This is my celebration!

Dear Lord, Fill my soul with Your eternal love, fill my heart with contentment, and let my love and concern fill other people's lives. Take care of the people I love and please take care of my beloved country. Amen.

I had an accident

2006-08-23T15:01:00.000+08:00

Last Monday while everybody was home because of the long weekend, I had a pretty nasty experience. It was the end of my shift after I ate lunch with a friend from work I went home on a Del Carmen bus. Along EDSA the bus crashed into the rear of another bus then swerved, ultimately hitting the post of an overpass in Estrella. The windshield was wrecked and I had a swollen lower lip plus a deformed eyeglasses. Luckily I was sitting at the end of the bus that's why I wasn't wounded by the shrapnels and broken glasses. It could have been worse, good thing I was picky on seats and that I don't want to be seated with somebody else that's why I choose a seat at the rear of the bus.

I'm fine, don't worry, it was a really nerve wracking exprience though. I didn't know what was happening since I didn't see any of it. The only thing I remember was that there was this person asking us to get off the bus, don't panic, and that's when I realized that I have a swollen lip and that my glasses are deformed. When we were getting off the bus I saw the shattered windshield and a woman being transported on a cab, all bloodied. That's when I started shaking, I was shaking so badly I wanted to cry. I hailed a cab and went home immediately, I know I should have stayed since they would be getting our statements, police porcedures and stuff, but I was just so scared and when I got home I was crying while holding a piece of ice to my swollen lip. I was crying like a child. It was really crazy and I was light headed.

And now I'm living my second life.

I'm still shaken and scared from the whole experience .

Good thing it was my weekly off so I didn't have to go to work with a swollen lip but my glasses have to wait until payday.

Such an irony that I had an accident on broad daylight when I was expecting one on the ungodly hours I travel to work which is around 2 am. But I had an accident at 3pm.

On other things, I really appreciate the comments that my previous article got. There's a part 2 for that, it should have been this week's article but I have a more pressing issues to tell. Now, I am processing what happened and I'm beginning to realize the things I had done wrong and how to rectify them.

Thank you God for my second life and all the people who makes my life richer and more beautiful.

Rage

2006-08-15T17:12:00.000+08:00

It is my weekly off and as the situation warrants, I slept ul late in the morning. Of course there were intervals but in one of my sleeping moments, I had a very strange dream. I was so angry in my dream that I was shouting at my mom and my brother for some silly reason. I was so angry that when I woke up I was crying because of all the rage.

That's when I realize that I have so much bottled up feelings and emotions, maybe from my experiences and all the things that happened to me in senior year. I haven't healed yet from all the pain and disappointments other people and myself included caused. It's been a while since I cried and I miss doing it. It's not really healthy keeping feelings because they will erupt in your most unguarded moments, in my case, in dreams. It's like what Freud discussed that our unconscious would emerge eventually in our behavior and dreams. Right now I feel numb, I don't feel emotions the way I use to feel them. I miss that feeling and I miss being human, because for me the core of being human is the ability to define emotion and feel them.

I never realized I was so wounded. I expected so much from myself that when everything got so disappointing I just became indifferent rather than facing them.

I have to heal and I have to learn how to deal with my demons.

Ang Buhay Call Center

2006-08-07T08:38:00.000+08:00

nasa trabaho ako ngayon, 7:01 am ayon sa aking Avaya Phone. 4 am ang start ng shift ko, kaya maaga akong gumising, technically di ko alam kung maaga bang matatawag yun o kung anong tamang depenisyon para dun. 1 ako gumising upang maghanda at pumunta sa aking trabaho. noong una nakakatakot mag lakbay ng madaling araw, konti ang mga tao sa labas at kung meron man malamang lasing sila o di kaya tulad ko, call center agents. masaya naman, kasi feeling mo ibang dimensyon kayo kahit na nasa Pilipinas naman kayo pare pareho. Pag alis ko ng bahay medyo hilo pa ako, sino ba naman ang hindi mahihilo, eh 1 am ang gising mo di ba? hindi pa gaanong "acclimated" ang katawan ko sa sistema, pero pagdating ng opisina medyo nakakapag adjust ka na kasi sobrang maliwanag sa office, tinadtad ng ilaw ang lugar na to para mag mukhang umaga at maloko mo ang iyong pinneal gland na umaga at hindi ka antukin habang kinakausap mo ang mga Amerikano. Pero iba pa din ang sikat ng araw, napatunayan ko to kapag lumalabas ako ng opsina, nakakasilaw ang sikat ng araw, kaya madalas naka Cap ako. Tanghali na paglabas ko dito at sasakay na ako ng bus. Meron pang isang gamit ang cap ko, dahil nakakatulog ako sa bus suot ang cap ko at hindi nila ako namumukaan kaya hindi naman ako nahihiyang matulog. Oo, naranasan ko ng lumagpas dahil nakatulog ako, buti na lang hindi naman masyadong malayo yung nalagpasan sa akin.

Ang sweldo

Tulad ng nasabi ng marami, relatively mataas ang sweldo ng mga agents sa karaniwang manggagawa. Binibigyan nito ng pagkakataon ang mga agents na mamuhay ng "marangya". Starbucks, Cab papunta sa work, fancy restaurants, fast food all the time, magandang telepono, at kung anu ano pa. Ang mga kompanya mismo nagbibigay ng mga gadgets upang lalong maramdaman ng mga agents ang karanyaan ng kanilang trabaho. IPOD, telepono, TV at kung anu ano pa. Oo, mayaman ka sa material na bagay. Pero saan ba talaga napupunta ang pera. Kapag inisip mo malaki talaga, pero hindi pala. Una, kapag gabi o madaling araw ang shift mo walang bukas na carinderia o budget meals kaya mapipilitan kang mag fast food at kapag inaraw araw mo wala talagang matitira sayo. Pangalawa, dahil sa gabi ang trabaho madalang ang mga sasakyan na magdadala sayo sa lugar ng trabaho mo, so mag cab ka ngayon at kapag inaraw araw mo yun, ubos ang pera mo. Hindi mo rin alam ang napuntahan ng pera. In hindsight, it evens out the advantage you have from other people who works on regular hours. Sinong nagsabing malaki ang sweldo naming mga call center agents, hihiga ka pa din sa sahig at matutulog ka sa bus kahit na ganun ang kalagayan ng trabaho mo. isa pang pupuntahan nito ay gamot, malaki ang posibilidad na magkasakit ka dahil sa uri ng trabahong meron ka, lalo na sa mga kakabaihan. Madalas ang iron deficiency lalo kapag meron ka, doon din mapupunta ang sweldo mo. Pambili ng gamot. At upang maiwasan ang pagkakasakit mo, kailangan mo ng Supplements tulad ng LiverAide, dahil madalas kayong mag inuman kakailanganin niyo ang LiverAide. (joke to!) Ang point nun ay malaki ang sweldo kung regular working conditions, pero kung hindi ganun din.

Ang mga customers

maayos namang kausap ang mga Amerikano, meron talagang likas na asshole at wala na tayong magagawa dun huwag na lang nating pansinin. marami naman na mababait at tao kausap, pareho din ng lahat ng tao sa mundo. ang napansin ko lang, dahil travel ang hawak namin, madaming mga immigrants ang nagiipon ng miles upang makauwi sa sarili nilang mga bayan. malungkot at parang mapapaisip ka dahil oo nga't malawak ang mundo, lahat pwede mong gawin pero lahat ng tao nagnanais na balikan ang mga sarili nilang bayan. meron akong vietnamese na caller na nagtanong magkano para makauwi siya ng Vietnam. para silang mga Pilipino na naghahanap buhay sa ibang bansa na gumagawa ng paraan na makabalik sa pinas at muli makapiling ang kanilang mahal sa buhay.

ganyan ang realidad ng mundo. malalaman mo ito sa pakikipag usap mo sa lahat ng uri ng tao, abutin man sang lupalop ng mundo.

okay tong trabaho ko, i can read and write in between calls.

Mag Survey Tayo!

2006-07-27T17:56:00.000+08:00

In efforts to veer away from depressing ang lonely thoughts I've decided to answer this survey! Don'y worry people I'm fine, doing well and happy. Thanks.

NINE LASTS:

9. last place you were: last night after going to the Church I went to Mel and Pong's apartment.
8. last cigarette: last night
7. last beverage: C2 Green Tea
6. last movie seen: sa movie house, X3: The Last Stand; sa cable, Untouchables; sa UHF, Shallow Hal (Studio 23)
5. last call: Mike Nilo and Shine
4. last CD played: compilation ng mga MP3 from Bands
3. last bubble bath: wala
2. last time you cried: last saturday while watching shallow HIal (parang comedy ata yun)
1. last alcoholic drink: san mig light tsaka red horse

EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS:

8. have you ever dated someone twice: oo naman more than twice, friends from work. every Friday ata
7. have you ever been cheated on: i guess. when playing games. hahahaha (ang wholesome)
6. have you ever cheated on someone: nope.
5. have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: nope.
4. have you ever fallen in love: YES, still reeling from it.
3. have you ever lost someone: Yes
2. have you ever been depressed: naman!
1. have you ever been drunk and thrown up: YES! don't want that to happen again but I am happy that I had that kind of experience, just for the heck of it.

SEVEN PLACES YOU'VE RECENTLY BEEN TO:

St. Joseph the Worker Parish
Mel and Pong's Apartament
Mugen (MetroWalk)
IBM Training and Ops Floor(EDSA Central)
Sonata (Malate)
Baga Berde (Roxas Boulevard)
Hap Chang (Ermita)

SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY:

updated my blog
cleaned our room
prepared my things for work
listened to Mojofly's CLose to the End
took some pictures
sang to Sugarfree songs
uploaded picturs from my phone to PC thanks to my friend's USB cable.

FIVE PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO:

faith
odyssa
melinda
ays
june

FOUR PLACES YOU WANNA GO TO:

warsaw, poland
austria
belgium
malaysia

THREE FAVORITE COLORS

green
blue
pink

TWO THINGS I WANNA DO BEFORE I DIE

finish Moby Dick and other great literature
work for the United Nations

ONE THING THAT'S ON MY MIND RIGHT NOW

masakit pala sa ulo ang graveyard, pero hopefully masasanay din at nakakapagod magsalita ng 8 hours.

thanks to July for this survey!

Blame it on the Weather

2006-07-13T13:31:00.000+08:00

I really just want to cry. Why does it feel that even though you're surrounded by so many people you still feel so alone. You may have known so many people in your life but in the end you'll face problems and situations on your own. This is not a matter of life and death but now that I have a lot of time to think of other things I feel so sad that I keep on asking questions with no apparent answer.

I keep asking myself, why is it that nobody seems to care for me or really see me? Is it because I am not pretty? or not sexy? It makes me feel really bad about it, so many people might be telling you other things like you're nice and pretty and all but all of this doesn't mean a thing because nobody seems to notice the way you want them to notice you. It's sad.

I am not the type of person who talks about love and things like that but right now I feel that I am left out with this topic. I feel really sad and so alone.

I hope things would improve and I hope this is just because of the weather or part of being a girl, mood swings and things like that.

I'm so tired of being alone.

Melting Pot

2006-07-01T17:14:00.000+08:00

My life this past few months has been a blurry of events that sometimes I can't seem to tell if it is really me. I can't say that I'm very happy but I am contented and comfortable with what's happening. I get to meet a lot of people some which I have no idea that we have a connection of some sort and that they'll know the same person that I know. Some of them has a huge impact on what I do and how I perceive myself. I am happy to be surrounded by different people, most of them have different backgrounds that make up a very interesting personality. I see a world that I have never seen before and talk to people that I never dreamt of having conversations with.

That's the advantage in a call center, other than being able to practice your English communication skills, it is primarily a lesson in interpersonal relationships. How you deal with other people and how you treat other people.

It's a whole new world.

Last Friday was payday, my friends from work decided to hit the KTV so we can practice our vocals. I had a blast singing and dancing as if I have known this people my entire life. I never felt any hestitation to sing or bust a move. It felt natural and fun whereas when I was with my friends back in college it would really take an effort to make me sing or whatnot. We had a couple of drinks but we need to leave the KTV at 7PM so we decided to return to Shaw (where our office is located) and join our other colleagues to continue the drinking session. We just talked and laughed until it was time to get home. I was so happy and comfortable with them (okay, I'm using those words enough already!) and I feel that I belong in this world (for now) I'm happy I get to know this people and I'm happy I will be working with them once we get on the floor.

Plus, I'm might be liking someone at work.

I have amazing "barkada" at work.

So many things to look forward too.

Here's a picture of the "barkada" I have at work.

While playing the 4K worth game, Cranium. From left, Grace, Belle, Ria, Me (as usual without my eyes opened), Shine and Mel.

The six of us with trainer Mike, such a nice guy!

Mike is the one sitting down (isn't it obvious?)

I'm happy and I'm just thinking of here and now, such a nice change!

On a Different Perspective

2006-06-26T11:21:00.000+08:00

I've been a part of the work force for a month and six days now and I could say that I've been enjoying it, since it doesn't feel like I'm really working, the call center has a very casual and relaxed environment. Being here dispelled a lot of notions that I have before. Personally, I have qualms in entering the industry for reasons such as cultural and social but the thing is call center has revolutionized the way people think. A lot of young people is in this industry meaning the future of this country, is in the hands of these people taking in calls, faking a American twang to provide customer service. At first look, it seems bad and un-Nationalistic, its as if we are little army providing service to the American Gods. But the thing about is that, it actually breeds hate for the American culture, we might be looking at the new kind of activism and new way of fostering nationalism.

Talking to ordinary Americans gives Filipinos a rare chance to know what American culture is really about. It gives them the chance to see what its like to be American and some of them hate it. They see the flaws and bad things about being American and with that they learn to love the Filipino culture, therefore it breeds nationalism. We all know that Filipinos love the American culture, for them it seem so exotic and interesting but after talking to Americans and learning the language they feel so lucky to have been born a Filipino.

A lot of the trainers here are expats. People returning to the Philippines to jump into the band wagon that is the call center. Ironically, they are the one who's expressing so much love for the country. Maybe because they've been there and they've seen how it works. They're in a good position to see the differences.

We've been looking for nationalism in young people today maybe we can see it in the most unlikely place, that is inside call centers. It's really revolutionary. It's a good topic for research.

Tennis, UST and other things

2006-06-12T17:33:00.000+08:00

A big congratulations to Rafael Nadal for winning the 2006 French Open. It was a very good match against Roger Federer but the Spanish sensation proved that he is indeed, the King of Clay. After being down 6 to 1 on the first set, Raf won 3 consecutive sets with 6-1, 6-4 and 7-6. His last shot was his signature, baseline shot.

Raf Nadal, the 20 year old Spanish Sensation (He turned 20 during the tournament.)

I'm really proud of my Alma Mater. The Philippine Daily Inquirer has published two articles about people from UST, whom I personally know, for their efforts and contribution to the educational process. One is about the English language and the way it is taught in schools, sometimes erroneously. She has been into correcting the mistakes specially in pronunciation by writing books and producing CDs to help teacher say the words properly. Another article is about the efforts of the University in teaching Aeta adults the basics of survival through Distance Learning.

When I read the articles, I can't help but be proud of my school and feel a bit sad because I will no longer be able to help at these efforts. I'm proud to say that we did a lot of community development efforts and somehow we benefitted from the wisdom of Ms. Bangaoil in terms of correcting the glitches in the way English is taught.

I envy those people who will be going back to school this June 13. School days are over for me.

Superstar

2006-06-05T19:05:00.000+08:00

There are only a few people qualified to be called superstar and Dwayne Wade, in my mind, has earned that distinction. In his last game against the Detroit Pistons he had 16 points with 10 assists. To some this is not a superstar performance but I beg to differ his ability to make others, his teammates to be exact, look good makes him a superstar. Sometimes it doesn't matter if you scored 50 points if the rest of the team weren't able to touch the ball, it doesn't matter if you scored 70 points if the end the team losses. That's what differentiates a star from a superstar.

Dwayne Wade, certified superstar
I cenrtainly hope, Miami Heat wins this year's championship.

Sports world is definetely on a high gear with the World Cup, NBA Finals, French Open and the PBA also in its playoff season.

Hesus

2006-05-28T21:23:00.000+08:00

Hesus

Kung nag-iisa at nalulumbay,
Dahil hanap sa hirap mong tinataglay
Kung kailangan mo ng karamay,
Tumawag ka at siya'y naghihintay

Ref 1:
Siya ang iyong kailangan,
Sandigan, kaibigan mo
Siya ang araw mo lagi
At karamay kung sawi

Siya ay si
Hesus sa bawat sandali
Kung ang buhay mo ay walang sigla,
Laging takot at laging alala
Tanging kay Hesus makaaasa,
Kaligtasa'y lubos at ligaya

Ref 2:
Siya ang dapat tanggapin,
At kilanin sa buhay mo
Siya noon, bukas, ngayon
Sa dalangin mo tugon
Siya ay si Hesus sa habang panahon

Kaya't ang lagi mong pagkakatandaan
Siya lang ang may pag-ibig na tunay, pag-ibig na tunay

(Refrain)

Coda:Siya ay si Hesus,
Siya ay si Hesus
Siya ay si Hesus, sa habang panahon.

Culture Shift

2006-05-27T18:41:00.000+08:00

Tapos na ang unang linggo ng training ko. Hindi ko pa masabing trabaho siya dahil parang nag aaral pa lang naman kami ng tamang pagsasalita. Tamang pagsasalita, ayun sa mga Amerikano, paano mag tunog Amerikano at paano mag salita sa paraang Amerikano. Mahirap pala, tunay na mahirap kasi ibang ibang tunog ang gamit nila. Akala ko noon magaling na ako pagdating sa Ingles, hindi pala. Meron palang 15 paraan ng pagsasalita at totoong nararamdaman kong umiikot ang dila ko sa bawat pagkakataong pinipilit kong sabihin ang mga salita sa paraang maiinitindihan ng mga Amerikano. Sabi nila hindi naman daw nila kami pinipilit na mag tunog Amerikano, at least Global American daw. Ganun pa man mahirap siya. Hindi ko rin mapigilang mag isip na parang nililoko ko at tinatalikuran ko ang aking pagiging Pilipino dahil, para sa mga Amerikano ang ginagawa ko. Ngunit pinili ko ito. Pinili ko ito, siguro mayroon akong dapat matutunan dito at sa bawat araw meron akong bagong natutunan. Mahirap pala talaga. Tunay na dapat hangaan ang mga taong pinipili ang industriyang ito. Pinipili nilang maging "frontliner" ng mga malalaking kumpanya, pinipili nilang maging sangkalan ng lahat ng galit ng mga Amerikano. Hindi ko rin maiwasang isipin na tumutulong akong ipalaganap ang consumeristic attitudes. Bata pa naman ako, marami pa akong dapat matutunan.

Ganunpaman, masaya ako, kasi maganda siyang karanasan para sa akin. Nakikita at naiinitindihan ko ang mundong dati hindi man lang sumasagi sa isip ko.

Pinipilit kong maging magaling sa ginawa ko.

Alam niyo ba na pinaulit-ulit nila ang salitang "account" sa akin, dahil hindi ko siya masabi ng tama. Imagine how many ways there are to pronunce the word account!

I have good co-workers, don't worry that's part of the fun!

Here, There and Everywhere

2006-05-17T00:16:00.000+08:00

Binabasa ko yung blog ni Jim Paredes nung isang araw, maganda yung topic ng blog niya. Merong nagtatanong sa kanya kung bakit daw siya, pati na rin ang mga anak niya, nagb-blog. Magandang tanong din ito para sa ating mga active bloggers. Sabi sa blog ni Katrina Macapagal, na sabi ng kaibigan niya, may issue daw ang mga taong nagb-blog. Hindi ko alam kung may mga issue ako, pero malamang meron, di pa lang siya nagpapakita. Pero alam kong hindi ito ang dahilan ng pagsusulat ko sa blog. Noong una, nahihiya ako kapag binabasa ang blog ko kasi baka pinupulaan lang ng mga tao ang grammar ko, na madalas kong gawin, kaya hindi masyadong publicized ang blog na to. Pero kinalaunan, natanggap ko na rin na "blogs are meant to be read", kaya i'm reaching out to other bloggers. Naisip ko na ang blog pala ay isang napakalakas na sandata sa mga personal na suliranin ng mga bloggers at isa ring sandata ng demokrasya. Isa ring itong paraan ng pag abot sa mga pangarap ng mga failed or frustrated writers, at least sa blog, napu-Publish ang mga gawa nila.

Para sa akin, isang mahalagang pagsasanay sa pakikipagtalastasan ang blog. Dito ko nailalabas lahat ng naiisip ko, na parang may kausap ako at parang may nakikinig. Dito rin lumalabas ang alter ego ko, mga hindi kayang sabihin ng malakas, dito kayang ibulong. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ako magsusulat at magsisiwalat sa blog, pero kapag tinignan ang mga dati ko ng naisulat, makikitang maraming pagbabago sa buhay ko, isang photo album na rin ng buhay ang blog na ito. Isang pagpapatunay ng mga bagay na nalaman at natutunan sa nakaraang apat na taon. May issue man ako o wala, patuloy pa rin ang magsusulat sa blog na ito.
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Tumawag ang mga taga-IBM na sa June 3 pang simula ng trabaho ko, ibig sabihin meron pa akong dalawang linggo upang gumising ng 12 ng tanghali at matulog ng 4 ng umaga. Buti na lang hindi na masyadong mainit ang dugo ng mga magulang ko sa aking kakaibang habit ng pagtulog. Ginagawa ko namang produktibo ang mga oras na gising ako. Masaya din ako na may oras pa ako para manood ng basketball, Playoffs na sa NBA at malapit na din ang Quarterfinals sa PBA, sana lang maabutan ko ang finals ng NBA, dahil napakaganda ng mga laban sa finals. Kahit sinong team pa yan, pero sympre mas nanaisin ko na San Antonio Spurs ang nasa finals kahit na for the Nth time na sila sa finals. Nag-e-enjoy din akong kasama ang mga magulang at kapatid ko. Nagkukulitan na nanaman kami ng kuya ko na matagal ko ding namiss. At laging kong kausap ang tatay ko pagdating sa basketball at politika naman sa nanay ko.

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Nung huli akong pumunta sa EDSA Central, kung saan matatagpuan ang tanggapan ng IBM, nakabili ako ng libro for 60 pesos. Ang larawan sa baba ang librong sinasabi ko.

Natuwa ako sa aking natagpuang libro dahil isa itong "rare find". For 60 pesos, napaka mura na nito at nasa magandang kundisyon pa naman. Nahihirapan lang akong basahin siya dahil napakalalim ng Ingles at kailangan ko pang komunsulta sa isang diksyunaryo upang maintindihan ng lubusan ang mga binabanggit sa konteksto. Masaya ako at sa bawat paglipat ng pahina ay merong akong natutunang bagong salita at tunay na nakakapanabik ang daloy ng nobela. Napansin ko lang na bakit parang ang daming salitang negatibo. Iba't ibang anyo ng salita pero iisang negatibong bagay lang ang pinapatunguhan. Ganunpaman, bagong salita, bagong kaalaman.

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Guilty as charged. Sige na aaminin ko na, paborito ko talaga si Sarah Geronimo.

Simula pa man sa Sarah, Ang Maunting Prinsesa pinapanood ko na siya, dahil pakiramdam ko, tunay siyang mabait at Thomasian siya, kaya I'm totally smitten over her. Tuloy pinapanood ko yung Bituin Walang Ningning kahit na hindi siya tugma sa aking prinsipyo ng panood ng TV. Naaawa lang ako kay Zsa Zsa, na tumatayong biological mother ni Sarah, kasi iyak siya ng iyak, nakakapagod yun!

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Nakakatuwa, mga ilang gabi ko na ring kausap ang girlfriend ng crush ko nung highschool. Hindi ko inaakala na maging palagay ako sa pakikipag usap sa kaniya, at syempre alam niyang may gusto ako sa nobyo niya ngayon, na best friend lang niya nung highschool kami. Ayos lang sa kaniya na pag usapan namin ang mga bagay na yun at pareho kaming natatawa sa mga bagay na nakalipas at kung papaano kami umasta nung highschool kami. Hiningan pa niya ako ng kuro tungkol sa relasyon nila. Sinabi ko naman ang totoong mas gusto ko siya para sa crush ko. Totoo yun. Biruin mo yun, nagbabago ng kulay ang mga relasyon ng tao, kinalaunan.

Alas dos pa lang ng umaga, sige magbabasa muna ako.

Job Hunting: A Whirlwind of Emotions

2006-05-04T18:56:00.000+08:00

Job hunting can be one of most loneliest thing in the world. I am not exaggerating, this is what I felt the entire time I was in IBM Daksh trying out my luck as a Customer Service Specialist. It is lonely because:

1) You have to wait an eternity for your name to be called, it actually sound so much better when you hear your name being called after 2 hours of waiting, fidgeting and imagining all sorts of things.

2) After 2 hours of waiting, you might not be considered for the position because of varying reasons and it feels really bad when you see in paper that you didn't pass an exam masquerading as an intelligence test but in reality a device to separate the "educated class and English speaking" from the rest of the strata.

3) Conversations in a recruitment center sometimes revolves around the tragedy of not getting hired after applying in 10 or more companies and if not, family woes and social conditions. It's actually depressing hearing people talk about their lives specially for a 20 year old fresh graduate who has no idea of what is really the world "out there".

4) Learning that you passed the exam but the person you're speaking or you've become friends with didn't make it. One person told me, also in a recruitment center, that its better not to speak with anyone because you might be emotionally attached and you'll find it difficult to react and console the person when that person didn't make it and you did, it sounds insincere.

5) No matter what you do and no matter how good you are, your life still depends on the recruitment officer and his/her dispositions.

I hate capitalists in times like these.

Good thing I passed, I'm now part of the working class but this is not a happy ending because in the I know that millions are still jobless and are still out there waiting for their names to be called.

I wish things were different.

It's a Good TV Day Among Other Things

2006-04-30T00:57:00.000+08:00

I started my Saturday Morning by watching the NBA Playoffs between Phoenix Suns and LA Lakers. LA Lakers won but not with big margin, Steve Nash wasn't playing his usual A game. I was waiting for CNN to air Quest, this week's topic was about making music, Richard Quest interviewed Snoop Dogg weeks before he got (with some of his crew) arrested in Heathrow Airport in London for disrupting peace and mauling two Airport Security Men. I had a blast watching the show it was both entertaining and informative, Richard Quest even graced/disgraced (either way you look at it) the show with a rendition of "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing"

And because it was a Saturday Studio 23 showed, after a long hiatus, Seventh Heaven in its 9th Season. I miss the Camdens and it touched my heart when snippets of the Camden kids, when the show was starting, were shown. The kids have grown, I felt really connected with the show because I learned a lot from their episodes and I feel that I am part of the Camden kids' growing and learning process.

Then I saw in CNN, Lorraine Hahn's interview with F4. Yes, thats Jerry, Vanness, Ken and Vic. It brought a lot of Meteor Garden memories. How I cried when Dao found Chan Cai when she was evicted from her apartment because Dao's evil mother bought the place where she was staying. The image was so poignant that I remember the color of the shirts the actors wore that time. I'd love to see Meteor Garden once again. And Jerry is so gwapo, I am really fascinated with chiseled, well defined and structured faces.

It was good day of TV viewing for me, nostalgic, informative and entertaining.

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Despite my busy TV schedule, I still had the time to run a few errands for my parents. I went to the grocery to pick up a few things for the store. While in the vicinity I bought Jolibee burgers for the people at home. I was waiting in qeue when I started obeserving other people's behavior at the store and from my observations people can get really crazy when their "hungry" and when they are holding money. For example, the lady before me wouldn't leave the counter because she cannot wait three minutes for her order. The person at the counter asked her quite courteously to wait for her food in the dining area but the lady wouldn't heed the clerk's request. He's obviously in a dilemma because the lady was oblivious of the people behind her, waiting to get their food. The person behind me started saying "ang tagal naman" really loud, as if the world would run out of cheeseburger. Actually I don't mind waiting, it's not a matter of life and death. It's just peculiar that people would act this way just to get what they want and because they have the money you would have to grant their every request. People think that when you have money, you can dictate the world. It's very funny, I wanted to smile at the person in the counter because I can feel that he was really tense about it. And what's the deal with people not wanting to carry their tray? It's just burger and fries and you wanted to be assisted?, it's not like your old or crippled. (I saw this with other customers) Maybe these are the reason why God doesn't want Filipinos to get rich because when they have money they can really act quite incosiderately. And nobody says thank you except those who were paid to say it. It's sad that Filipinos don't know how to treat others with kindness specially people of their own kind. And don't even get me started with the way the DOJ Secretary is handling the Subic Rape case.

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You may have notice the One banner attached to this page. I got that from the One Campaign website. Everytime I see people from Darfur in Sudan it gives me a certain degree of sadness because the people there are so destitute. It would have been at least bearable if they are only dealing with poverty but they are not. Aside from extreme hunger they would still have to fight for their mere survival. The Janjaweed militias rape, steal, kill and inflict atrocities to their own people and mind you the Sudanese Governemnt condone these atrocities. It's really sad that we humans would allow this kind of actions to perpetuate. How can the world let this happen? It's an irony for me that celebrities would spearhead the One campaign when they are in fact one of the contributors of extreme poverty, of course not directly. Rich people hoard and abuse resources even if they don't need them. In turn poor people doesn't get their share of the resources because the rich people has already monopolized them. It's a futile attempt to give or donate money, people shouldn't be receiving donations if in the first place the resources were distributed fairly. Earth's resources should have been enough for every person in the planet but because of man's utter greed, it seem as if the world doesn't have enough resources.

I don't care about the politics of helping, I just wanted to help. No one deserves to suffer like this.

If you want to help, think of this, everytime you reach for an item in a counter or shelf in a grocery, ask your self, do i really need this? if the answer is no, return the item in the shelf, if yes buy it but make sure what you have is just enough. At least we can eradicate greed one person at a time, the root of poverty.

Think of these people when you start complaining about waiting in line to get your cheeseburger, some people have to wait in line just to have a chance in life.

Pray that the killing and mindless death stops in Darfur, Sudan and the rest of the African nations.

What is Your True Color?

2006-04-26T18:58:00.000+08:00

Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection.

Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper you demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.

Your true color is Black!

What's Your True Color?

Brought to you by Tickle

Mindless Drifts of the Unemployed

2006-04-26T00:31:00.000+08:00

Look at what boredom and unemployment can do to you, it can overhaul your entire blog for 5 hours. I like this template much better because it has a very organized and functional sidebar plus i'm back to dark background which I think suits my personality. This "overhauling" came as a whim, I was envious of other people's blog so I decided to give mine a makeover and because I'm out of my wits trying to figure what to do, I decided to embark on the project, and voila it turned out pretty okay, I find this a tad more reader friendly and organized (of course a must for me!)

I also made this blog more interactive by adding a comments page, of course not provided in other versions of the steelplant (i sound like i'm trying to sell something) because I thought the tag board would suffice but this time you can make comments on a particular subject or topic discussed in my article, cool isn't it? So before leaving, make sure to comment on my article, let's maximize the pages generously provided by HaloScan. Honestly, I cannot remember how many times I have changed my template, there are so many versions of this that I have lost track, I hope I can keep this for a long time. Starting something new always gives me the jolt, I can't stop writing and tinkering on the codes of this blog. The "About Me" pages is still in the works, be sure to watch out.

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I'm on the verge of being insane, I have been thinking why HSBC hasn't called me yet for my job offer, they must give a pretty good explanation why it has taken them this long to call me up, well their just delayed by three days (by my count), but I'm going crazy thinking of possible explanation as to why they haven't called yet and the bad part is that I can't do anything about it, I just have to WAIT, I can't leave the house from 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM (office hours) because they might call anytime. I can't even go to the bathroom long enough for me to do my thing since the phone might ring. I can't use the Internet since I might jam the phone line preventing them to reach me. I really want to join HSBC. They outlined great career plans and potential career movement that's why I choose to be with them rather than work in Malacañang (that warrants another entry). I feel there is gowth and development with them.

Patience is indeed, a virtue.

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And to avoid possible scenarios of virtual insanity, I took up painting again but to my surprise I didn't have any brush I had to use my fingers so I can commence my artistic and crative endeavors. Eventually I had to throw those "creations" because they were not good and because they were made out of sheer bordeom not because of creative juices. Then I read Dapitan, I find Saguid's literary work truly entertaining and thought provoking, although I don't agree with some of his articles, it gives me something to think about. I'm really blessed to have existed in the era where Angelo Suarez, Joseph Saguid and their legions graced to halls of AB, that is truly something that I will miss.

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Quick Question: Why are the housemates in PBB Teen all good looking? Is this another dubious plan of the media giant to propel someone to stardom? Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just find it tacky and abusive given the fact that these kids have sensitive and vulnerable situations notwithstanding that they are barely out of their childhood. I hope they handle this well, that the kids do not suffer from trauma from living with strangers and being watched by th entire archipelago 24/7.

I think they have already achieved their purpose since every blog that I visited has something to say about PBB Teen.

And since they are already using the word "dude", I'm dropping it from my vocabulary.

In The Spirit of Lent

2006-04-10T01:28:00.000+08:00

Among Filipinos the Lent is a very significant Catholic event but these days the meaning of Lent is lost amid the vacation, beaches, holiday pay call center agents are going to get and the controversies surrounding Christianity.

One particular controversy and the latest at that is the Gospel of Judas. On April 9, 2006 the National Geographic Channel premiered its presentation on the much taled about texts. Prior to its unveiling I have read and heard about this Gospel, one says that it will shake the very foundation of Chistianity and other saying otherwise. As a matter of fact, it doesn't really propose anything new but rather it presents another perspective, that of Judas. Although not written by Judas himself, it was written by Gnostics, it offers another explanation why Judas "betrayed" Jesus, it's not an apology nor an excuse given by believers of Judas but the reason why Judas did it. Rather than demonized and vilify Judas, it's as if we should hail Judas because he played an essential role in the whole story of salvation, if it weren't for Judas' "betrayal" we wouldn't have been saved. The most startling thing about this revelation is that Judas seem to have an idea of what he's supposed to do and this is well within the grand plan of salvation and that he has the strength to actually carry out this plan compared to the other disciples because he has that great spirituality that can perform the task.

We are no expert on this things but I would like to present a more personal view.

The important question now is, so what? Personally, it doesn't have any effect on my faith because there were no surprises there. I would still believe in a Higher Being even if they come up with the a Gospel of Whomever. The thing about faith is that it's something personal that I don't think any text can change that. The Church is being defensive with these controversies because they think that these text are the foundation of people's faith, it's not. It's the unique spiritual relationship that they offer with it's believers that keeps them in the flock. Sometimes I feel that the Church has actually lost it's focus when it comes to the believers' spirituality. I think the real essence of religion in Catholic Church is lost in all its pomp and pageantry, just look at the Election of Pope. There is no bigger cult than the Catholic Church. That's why it's no surprise that the Catholic Church is losing its usual constituents because the Church is no longer as personal as it used to be, it's no longer the sanctuary people wants it to be, it doens't offer the salvation people are looking for. The believers are not looking for a weekly tradition, they are looking for intimate and a deeply personal relationship with a Higher Being

Do I plan to change religion after everything? No, because I believe in the Catholic Church and it still touch me and way I wanted to be spiritually touched, plus all the cult-Ness and pomp and pageantry appeals to me.

Does it still appeal to you?

It's A Great Day for Graduation

2006-03-30T22:33:00.000+08:00

Last March 29, 2006 the Faculty of Arts and Letters had our Solemn Investitures at PICC. Here are some pictures I'd like to share with you. I thought I'll never see this day

But first let me say THANK YOU, to my parents who have been through a lot just to get me through school, I hope I made them proud by my humble achievements. To my mentors who taught me a lot of things and who inspired me to become better person by giving me lots of trials and challenges I thought we cannot overcome. To my classmates, who believed and who allowed me to exercise my tyranny. To my awfully GREAT BARKADA! Who really helped in more ways than one, mga kasama ko sa hirap at saya! SALAMAT SA LAHAT.

My Barkada, my amazing, great FRIENDS.

With My Great Friend Faith

I will never forget these special people, believe me they are really special.

Great Girls

And indeed it's a great day for Graduation!

The College Education System

2006-03-16T19:35:00.001+08:00

The Faculty of Arts and Letters is in limbo because of a scathing article written by one impassioned Communication Arts Senior. The article was, in a gist, about the injustice suffered by a group of CA students at the hands of a professor and the seeming inaction of the Administration, the CA Department and the Artlets Student Council. The CA Senior is now the subject of controversy after the Professor concerned and the Department Head filed a criminal and administrative complaint.

The article is a wake up call to everyone, to reconsider and review the whole education system that students get from the Faculty, we lovingly call AB. Rather than exhaust our resources to court proceedings the Administration should seriously look into the allegations and root cause of this incident. To actually proceed to a legal battle would just simply divert everyone's attention to the real problem which is, does students really need to suffer that much at the hands of their professors? The educator named in the article is simply a model or an epitome of all professors who does the same to their students. We understand that at this point we are at the mercy of our teachers because they somewhat bear the torch of knowledge that we all aspire, but do we really have to undergo that much to get a good "education"? I have to agree with the article when it stated that after all the projects and countless researches and assignments given to us, what have we really learned? After four years of college education, are we ready to go out there and be productive citizens of the nation? Indeed feelings were hurt but more than the scratches on the ego, we should really examine and take a better look at our college system. I know that most of us, perform our class activities just to pass the subject but not learn anything. That’s why our outputs are not at par to those produced by other schools or institution. Being physically in school is different from getting real education. At the end of the semester, we feel awfully tired but when we try to remember the lessons taught we already forgot it the moment the professors steps out the door.

This is a sad day for all students, because what the professors/administration is trying to tell us is that, never protest or we’ll file a complaint, what happens to us students is that we blindly follow and obey their every wish even though we know its already impossible and beyond our capacity as students. That’s why it’s not difficult to understand why the students cannot draw the line between injustice and real education. Students are afraid to question because they fear the ramifications protesting may do to their grades, because what has been taught to us is that good grades are your ticket to good education. Definitely not, your personhood, dignity and value as human persons are your tickets to a good future. We hope that the people in the college education system harness our dignity rather than destroy it by blackmailing us with “good grades”

The student is only trying to express the injustice that happened to his fellow students, he aired it responsibly, by posting it in an area which is provided for students to speak out their concerns, and he even placed his name to own the words that appeared on the article. The complaint against him is nothing but a tool of suppression against the very right of the student to freedom of speech, and I thought Proclamation 1017 has been rescinded?

Rather than concentrating on the hurt egos, lets look back, maybe there is truth to what he is saying

MA. FRANCIA C. ROSERO
Student, Faculty of Arts and Letters

"O Anong Napala mo sa Pagiging Presidente?"

2006-03-13T16:26:00.000+08:00

Interesting question, isn’t it? I don't think I answered this sufficiently when a friend asked me this. I have been thinking of the answer from the time we separated and the moment I write this article. Honestly, I don't know what I got from being the President or what it did for me and if I ever accomplished anything by being the President of Behavioral Science Society but one thing is for sure, I learned A LOT.

On Myself

At one point during my incumbency, I was having a very ugly argument with a co-officer, it was really nasty and difficult because you're supposed to work together not fight each other. Issues were not addressed directly so instead of getting it resolved, it snowball-ed into one messy conflict. Instead of threshing out details, dirty glances and non recognition of each other's existence were ways of ignoring the issues. Until we all agreed to talk, just clear everything and confront the issues and persons involved. There was a consensus to forget everything and forgive each other's mistake and start over, though now we have to be conscious of each other's feelings, lessen our paranoia and earnestly give each other a chance. This predicament gave me a glimpse of how paranoid I am when my capabilities are being doubted. That when people try to have second thoughts on my capabilities instead of proving them wrong I build a wall so thick that I isolate people and myself as well. My defenses are indomitable that I hear nothing, nor see anything that would change the whole situation. In simple terms if you like me, come join the party, if you don't just stay out. Then I would get paranoid that they're thinking bad things about me.

I am a sucker for rules. I am bounded by rules, its difficult without rules for me (that's why I have a high inkling to become a lawyer) and sometimes being the President you have to circumvent rules so that you can dispense your duties and you have to go around the rules so as to adapt into the varying situations. I have difficult time adapting and being flexible because I am a CONTROL FREAK, I never understood that term until this day. I want to control everything, I want everything to be just what I want them to be and I want results to come out just the way I imagined it. And seeing this not happening gave me a lot of frustration, headaches and anxiety. That's why at one point my interest and vigour to perform started to dwindle. I forgave myself to much for not doing things perfectly, I forgave people who were not performing well, I forgave mistakes and we started to live in mediocrity. That's why everything suffered. I can't be in situation where you have to leave everything to destiny or circumstance. I don't like that. If I can control it, I will control it. Imagine my frustration when I lost everything (my bag) when every tool I have to control was there. I'm trying to pick up pieces, starting over, wanting to control again.

On Leadership

There are really different kinds of leaders. I realized that I am the sort of leader who values relationship rather that output, that's why I forgave people (referring to preceding paragraph). I feel that when I have good not necessarily working relations with people they would perform well. Not considering that people needs spanking from time to time so that they will perform well. My tendency is to take the task and do it myself which resulted to burden in which quality suffered.

That as followers, we are lenient on our leaders. We feel that once we have voted for them our role as a citizen and voters ended the day we slipped our ballots in the ballot box. We do not hold our leaders liable on services undelivered and promises not met. That's why we continue to condone GMA's actions. We forgive her, we let her do these "pseudo - martial law" actions to us. We are glued to our seats unable to act against her tyranny because we are lenient on her actions. We do not clamor for things that are rightfully ours. We do not hold them accountable for aspirations not met, when in fact leaders should embody the aspirations his people hold. Leaders should not fit everything in a small hole, he should make a bigger hole to let everything fit. Leaders should have high expectations for themselves because; their people have high expectations for them.

For example there were two significant issues that rocked the nation these past ten months, the "Hello Garci Tapes" and Proclamation 1017. In both issues, our leaders failed to act decisively. You as followers should have crucified us for not acting and speaking in your behalf when in fact, as your leaders it is our God forsaken duty to speak for you, to tell the world how you feel. But there was no indignation, no resentment from the students that's why we continue to be lackluster and passive in issues that truly matters. On that aspect alone we have failed immensely. The usual response of leaders when asked during meetings when actions were supposed to be contemplated was, we need to educate and inform and students first. I wonder why the students need to be educated when in fact they should be aware of what is happening around them, they should not read the newspaper just because their PolDy professors told them to do so, it is our responsibilty as citizens to be aware and be critical of issues that the nation confronts. The education should be a continuous process, it shouldn't only happen when there are pivotal issues, it should happen all the time. Do not confuse education from schooling, these two things are way different. Re-think leadership. Leadership is not when people fear you, it is not when you tell people what to do, it is making them understand and owning what you want them to do. Leadership is empowering people so that they can do things on their own. Leadership is not greeting every person you meet in the hallway, it is when people recognizes you bacause you have contributed something substantial.

On Organizations.

The seeming vacuum in leadership stems from the fact that organizations are confused on why they are existing. Take the Student Council as an example.(No, I'm not only talking about the ABSC in particular but all student councils) I don't know if the student's council main objective in life is to provide the students with concerts and beauty pageants. I know they're fun and all but the issues that are really pertinent and substantial to students are not discussed. For example, when asked what the greatest problem of students is, the usual answer would be apathy. You are dead wrong about that one. The student's main problem is staying school. The perils students have to face everyday just to go to school is their biggest problem. Never in my stay in the University did I hear any forum on reproductive health, as young adults these are issues that we need to know. There are no statistics that would provide us with how many students’ parents experience Diaspora. No assistance provided to students who were victims of these falling insurance plans. No help extended to students who are victims inside the classroom, injustices in grades, harassment, abuse, among other things. These issues hinder our continued stay in school. These are issues we face. We don't know if student councils should organize events for us or speak for us, stand up for us, empower and embody the students, but personally I prefer the latter.

The same confusion is evident in Political Organizations. Why does political organizations only exist when there are elections and the moment they wake up from their slumber, you don't see any difference in the ideals that they espouse. The justification in their existence is not really there. You can't see the difference between the leaders that they present, for example, is this leader communist, socialist or democratic in thinking. Is this leader conservative or liberal? When these characteristics have been established their actions can be predicted, you can see how they will react when confronted with issues. Political organizations should not be seen as something dirty or illegal, they should be seen as a tool in empowering the students through ideas and principles aligned to the kind of politics that they espouse. Political organizations should start re-thinking their reason for existence because if they continue the path that they lead, they will soon be irrelevant to student’s life.

So, anong napala ko sa pigging presidente, ay MARAMI!

of losses and gains

2006-03-09T13:19:00.000+08:00

if there is anyone who is more experienced in losing things than gaining them, that would be me.

last july 2005 I lost my Nokia 3310 to a holdup incident while on board a jeepney in Quiapo. January 2006, I lost my bag, this time, my phone was in it in a "robbing" incident at Burger King Dapitan. Consequently I haven't set foot in that place ever since, not that I frequently go there but just seeing the place where I sat and eventually lost my bag gives me the creeps. It makes me realize how amazingly stupid and preoccuppied I am that time, that it was relatively easy for the thief to get my bag. That inicident has a profound effect on me because until this point I don't think i have recovered, it was as if he took my very life. Everything was there. I am so mad and disappointed both at myself and the perpetrator. And now, I lost my phone AGAIN! Technically the phones are not mine because they were all paid by my parents but I am the one who uses them so I can say that those were mine. I don't know what to think of, why these things keep on happening to me? Is there something written in my forehead saying, "you need a cellphone? just reach for my bag, you can have mine!"

my folks reaction changed through the course of these 3 losses, the first one made my mother really ticked, understandably. The second one was more of a feeling of pity and the third was a comedy, there was no shouting or punitive actions, surprisingly they understood it, that it goes with the territory and its not my fault that the UST area is a hotbed for petty crimes. Luckily, I just had to pay for it through the loss of belongings not necessarily my life. I guess my parents are becoming really wise. They know that this experiences are GAINS for me. I know I lost a lot and I mean A LOT! But the lessons that came with it is priceless.

I know those cellphones and other things can be replaced but i can never replace the trust i had in people. Before I never thought that I would be victim to these crimes because basically I have nothing! I'm not rich, what the hell would they get from me? And I have tremendous trust in people, even people I don't know. I don't believe that people steal things. I don't believe anyone is capable of committing a crime. Now i feel that I cannot trust anyone, I can't continue walking around without getting paranoid that somebody was out to get my stuff. Its sickening and stupid, I hate this feeling. I love people, i don't want to accuse them or be suspicious of them. Now when i see people in Dapitan I can't help but wonder if these people know the person who robbed me or they were the people who stole from me.

Its so sad that my last days in the University is characterized by suspicions and accusations. I guess that's the real world, no one is safe and our worst enemies are someone of our own kind.

Ten Months

2006-03-07T21:43:00.000+08:00

3 cellphones lost in 10 months, 2 funerals in ten months, almost 10 pounds lost in 10 months, disillusionment, disappointment, lost hope, shattered optimism, tested faith, tested friendship, challenged values and principles, smorgasboard of experience, countless seminars, humiliation, fear, sorrow, solitude, all in ten months.

it's unbelievable to have changed in just a span of ten months coming in as different person and coming out as a completely changed individual.

its not that bad, change is something good. the thing though is i don't respond well to changes. when i get into a comfort zone, i don't want to get out of it specially when i already established a certain order and way of doing things. but john maxwell said, to arrive at your optimal performance one must shake things a bit so that you can always be at your toes and think quickly. and changes are momentum starters, momentum makes you better, change makes you better.

this past 10 months made me realize a lot of things. i have been blessed with so much that i'm overwhelmed by it. being able to stand in front of people and be called their leader is more than a blessing, representing them and be regarded as their leader is a wonderful experience but a really daunting one. being able to tell people what to do and making them agree with and realize it as their own is a gift. coming up with a thesis in less than one week is luck, that you shouldn't push and stretch too much. being around great, supportive and amazing people is a treasure. paranoia sometimes work but you shouldn't have an overdose of it because it can kill you. values and principles would define your leadership, expect the unexpected, life is short, love and be loved, question and question, don't get satisfied with mediocrity, dream and dream big, do not forget to become a child once in a while. laugh, it will make you sane. sing, it can lift your spirit. don't let them take the most important thing for you lest you'll realize how significant it is and it might be too late to redeem it. humility has a different and painful way of teaching you its lessons. help people, believe, be grateful, go for the extra mile because that's where you'll find the gold, listen, people have always interesting tales to tell, when you thought you are powerful that is the time when you are most helpless.

when all things have been said and done you just can't wait to start the next 10 months of your life.

Word Vomit

2006-01-06T13:01:00.000+08:00

i got the title from Lindsay Lohan's movie Mean Girls which i was able to see during the holiday break.

i'm so scared.

sobra, hindi ako umatend ng classes ko today kasi ayokong harapin ang mga problema ko sa school. sana magkasakit na lang ako para may excuse akong wag silang harapin lahat, kung pwede April na kukunin ko na lang yung diploma an just get it over and done with. nakikiayon pa ata ang katawan ko sa mga problema ko dahil merong mali sa left eye ko, lagi akong feeling nasusuka, ang sakit ng tiyan ko, laging masakit ang ulo ko parang gel sila sa loob, ang dali kong magutom, constant twitching of the eye, ang sakit ng muscles ko braso, sa likod, feeling ko parati akong inaantok, super sluggish. hindi ko alam kung sintomas to ng anong sakit, or baka talagang stressed out hindi ko alam kung paano to sosulusyunan, sana merong isang gamot na pwedeng inumin para matapos na tong lahat.

ayoko na promise! bakit ganito kahirap? bakit ganito? ayoko na talaga! napaka walang bright spot pa ng buhay ko. bwisit talaga. sa lahat ng bagay parang lagi akong nakakakita ng bagay to complain about. ayoko na lord. please take me out of this misery. please! i'll do anything just relieve me of my pain, please Lord!

yung pakiramdam na hindi naman ako makaiyak kasi hindi pwede?! pag umiyak pa ako makakadagdag p a sa problema ko?

sana malapit na ang brighter days para sa akin, i missed the sun shining in my life.

Hard to Believe

2005-12-05T13:10:00.000+08:00

I find it hard to believe
That all the pain that we are feeling
Has some meaning in this world
It's so hard to believe
That everything you see is different
From the things that you've been told
I wanted life to be this way
Just a little bit of love could mean so much
O please don't take it all away
But with you heaven is still close enough to touch
I find it hard to believe
That someone up there is waiting
With arms open wide and smiling
It's so hard to believe
When someone told me that your suffering
Is what you get for living
I wanted life to be this way
Just a little bit of love could mean so much
O please don't take it all away
But with you heaven is still close enough to touch
Because your love is still the only thing
That matters in this world
The only thing I can believe...

Hard to Believe by Eraserheads covered by Cueshe on the album Ultraelectromagneticjam, emphasis, mine.

UNCERTAIN

2005-11-26T23:10:00.000+08:00

have you ever been in a situation that the only word that describes it is uncertain?

this has been my situation for almost nine months now. starting when i accepted the challenge to become the president of the society and eventually heading it.

i do not know if all our projects and envisioned plans will come to fruition but in my heart of hearts (rather my hypothalamus) i know they will come true because when we envisaged those plans we had the welfare of the society at heart. i know that's not enough to actually lead a project to eventuality but its a start, it's the gas that would keep the car running. it is uncertain because the engine can break down and we can meet accidents anytime, or worse we could be at a bogus check point and be a victim of questioned circumstances, something that we can't control, something that we'll leave to fate.

and another uncertainty, it involves the figurative heart. right now i'm visibly happy. i don't know how to call this thing and due to lack of better of term, let's just put it this way, we're friends, ultimately. we check up on each other, we talk about each other's concern, we talk about principles, we talk about God, we talk about ourselves, we talk about our lives. and again to say the least i'm happy, there are smorgasboard of feelings in me. it's because he makes me smile, the one thing that i really need in my life right now. whenever he texts me and converse with me, no, just the mere idea of him on the other line, i can't help but smile. this is all i need right now. he was given to me because God has a plan for us, whatever that plan is i'm just going to wait for it to unfold on its own. i know He has a plan for us.

i'm just happy that God allowed me to feel this way, this feeling makes me more human. it refutes the theory that i'm a tyrant that like everyone else i'm capable of having and expressing the concern and care to other individual. i don't know where this will lead us, another evidence of its uncertainty but i'll stick around to find out. i used the analogy of the hanging bridge to describe our situation. the hanging bridge in itself is unstable because of our current circumstance. we're treading the bridge and we're in the middle of it, at first i thought i wanted to go forward but now i wanted to stay in the middle, where i think. i want to enjoy the view, i wanted to be where he is.

i don't know what will be the outcome of this but i know my life has change because i have proven that that i can feel this way and i'm capable of doing the things i never thought i'd be able to do. i don't think anybody can take that away.

uncertain, yes but that exactly is the beauty of it. uncertainty brings out the best in us, it molds to become the person we never thought we can be, uncertainty bends and molds us to adapt to the situation. it makes us believe in things we never thought existed, it makes us hold onto something greater and powerful than us. it makes us believe and sometimes that's the only thing we'll ever need, plus of course the smile.

No More Cliches

2005-11-09T13:28:00.000+08:00

Beautiful face
That like a daisy opens its petals to the sun
So do you
Open your face to me as I turn the page.

Enchanting smile
Any man would be under your spell,
Oh, beauty of a magazine.

How many poems have been written to you?
How many Dantes have written to you, Beatrice?
To your obsessive illusion
To you manufacture fantasy.

But today I won't make one more Cliche
And write this poem to you.
No, no more cliches.

This poem is dedicated to those women
Whose beauty is in their charm,
In their intelligence,
In their character,
Not on their fabricated looks.

This poem is to you women,
That like a Shahrazade wake up
Everyday with a new story to tell,
A story that sings for change
That hopes for battles:
Battles for the love of the united flesh
Battles for passions aroused by a new dayBattle for the neglected rights
Or just battles to survive one more night.

Yes, to you women in a world of pain
To you, bright star in this ever-spending universe
To you, fighter of a thousand-and-one fights
To you, friend of my heart.

From now on, my head won't look down to a magazine
Rather, it will contemplate the night
And its bright stars,
And so, no more cliches.

-Octavio Paz

thanks to Katrina Macapagal. i saw this poem from her blog.

controversial

2005-10-18T12:08:00.000+08:00

I have always proven two things to be therapeutic, that’s music and writing. In these moments of doubt and pain, these are the two things that can get you through. Hopefully, this will be he first and the last entry that will be filled with hurt and pain. So that I can move on with my life, I need to write what I feel. A lot has been stored in my mind, I do not necessarily react to them because I don’t feel any significance doing that. Every time there is an issue hurled against us, I do not react nor answer it directly. Rather, I keep it inside and contemplate about it.

I’m not going to answer everything point by point because this is not the proper venue, the people concerned may not be able to read this and it might reach them the wrong way that would further cause confusion and again conflicts. So I’d rather not go to the details.

The past weeks have been crammed with pain mostly because of the internal and external struggles going on. It feels like I have been mugged and the perpetrators are giving me blows left and right. I feel tired already from defending the society’s/board’s every move. I have to defend every decision or lack thereof. I have to explain to everyone why this and that and it get to be tiresome. Then people will tell you how to run things, of course I don’t have the monopoly of knowledge but sometimes dictating to me what needs to be done is disrespectful and shows lack of trust in me and my abilities. I feel so burdened by the people’s every wants and needs, they feel that when they ask something it should be prioritized because of whatever reason. They do not understand that this is a society not a per year level organization nor per section, we don’t think of one particular section, we think of everyone’s welfare. People get so myopic sometimes, they would just think of their own welfare not the rest, and allegiance is not to the society but more to the section where they belong. This leads me to think that maybe we are not really united. That we’d rather be in service of the immediate people surrounding us not the entire populace who needs us. Basically the reason why we are finding it difficult to find people who would participate in activities, you need to coax, cajole and intimidate them before they agree to join, basically the reason why it’s difficult to muster support for their fellow BeS majors. It really pains me to see the same people joining and participating in our activities. I want those not so involved be really be involved so that they would feel what its like to be BeS Majors. And what is most painful is that I don’t have to battle with the external forces, which I’ll discuss later on but I also have to fight with internal forces, something that is really painful because we should at least show semblance of unity.

Then external forces are trying to ruin us by emotional torture and what is really infuriating about it is that they are targeting our younger population. Nasty comments have been made and these put doubts on the kids’ mind whether they made the right decision or not and it puts the society on a very bad light. It just so happen that I have a very strong link with the younger population that’s why they don’t get carried away by those nasty comments and with their very limited knowledge they defend us from these external forces.

It’s really painful, as in! MASAKIT TALAGA! Sometimes I ponder and question why I entered this position, I was safe within the class, I would just have to study and I’ll be alright more than alright. But here I am risking everything, putting everything on the line with no guarantee of payback. Just the resources I have already spent on being the president are not commensurate. Why am I risking everything? Why did I let myself be exposed to this suffering and pain?

I asked God to answer me, I found my answer in the Homily last Sunday. Of course I can’t quote in verbatim, but the essence was that “return to Ceasar what belongs to Ceasar and, give God what is due to God.” Upon reflection, maybe what God is trying to tell me through the homily is that I should not dwell on what other people may think, I should not care of what people may say, I should not think of what other people may do. It would just have to be pleasing in God’s eyes and everything will be alright. All endeavors should be lifted to Him because indeed He is the source of everything and the priest put it perfectly when he said that before anything else, we are sons and daughters of God, even before I am the president of the society, I am God’s humble creation. It make things so clear, that in everything I do, for the society or for anybody for that matter, it must be first pleasing to God and when God is pleased He will continue to shower you with graces. In everyone, every face, every member of the society there resides God when I make Him happy and then my members will be happy as well.

The burden at least has been mitigated but of course there will be pains and hurt most of the time, I’m just happy that God gave me this feeling that would overcome the hurt and the pain. As fleeting as the feeling maybe, I don’t feel much of the brunt because this feeling resides in my heart. I’m happy at least, I love therefore I exist. God in His infinite wisdom knew that I will be hurt because of the mission he gave me so he introduced me to the feeling that would give me the strength and patience to continue. The situation is uncertain definitely but I’m just happy for the feeling. I always thank God for giving me that feeling. He’s showing me that although there is pain God would always love me by bringing people into my life.

Prayer:

Dear God,

I know that I’m not worthy to be you daughter but still you continue to shower me with grace and with that I will be eternally grateful. Lord, thank you for the gift of life, thank you for bringing these people in my life, thank you for showing me your kindness and thank you for the feeling. Thank you for the pains and hurt, it makes me see your true beauty and essence, that in darkness you face shines forth and you blinding love encompasses the suffering this world has to offer. Lord help me be an instrument of your love, help me be the light to others. Fill my heart with so much love that I might share it with everyone.

Amen.

survey from odyssa

2005-10-09T16:20:00.000+08:00

1. how's your day? - well, this day has been one of those days where you get to relax and just chill out, i'm a bit relaxed right now at the same time apprehensive because of the labor standards exams tomorrow, i haven't reviewed the entire chapters that need to be reviewed. but i'm okay nonetheless. its also a quiet day, a day to reflect and think and be reallt grateful.

2. complete the statement: "i feel..." - happy and hopeful.

3. what you gonna do after this? - get back to studying labor, labor, labor. i know i'm going to sound like a geek here but i really love studying. promise!

4. your song to describe your previous day? - hmmmm... tulog na? its because i have been singing this song the whole day.

5. listening to music? - no, it's more of noise

6. have any pet? - no. i really don't like animals

7. your favorite scent? - cologne fresh, don't like perfume.

8. time? - 5:00 PM

9. missing someone? - no, not really. i have all the important people close to me, right here in my heart so that i won't miss them. (hahahahaha! psycho statement)

10. the last person to give you a testi? - not sure but i think its arneil, mae salamana's boyfriend in case you don't know.

11. your latest fashion statement? - i don't have any fashion statements since i wear my uniform almost 7 days a week. well if you consider looking like everyone else a fashion statement then that's my fashion statement. i accessorize it with a blue jansport backpack and my cool school shoes.

12. the best summer ever? - none that i can remember.

13. last thing you did last night? - i had a movie marathon last night. first, dying young it starred a younger julia roberts and campbell scott, who by the way looks so good eventhough he has leukemia in that movie. second, armaggedon (is my spelling correct?) although it seemed surreal i enjoyed watching it because it's action packed and liv tyler is amazingly fair. then i watched a movie in disney channel, i didn't get to start the movie but it was alright. then before i slept i was texting someone.

14. least favorite class to attend? - refer to the entry entitled realizations.

15. complete the statement: "in 10 years i will be..." - wiser. (ditto!)

16. most valuable for you? - loyalty, honesty, love and companionship.

17. favorite fast food? - KFC

18. the day your birthday falls on..? - september 23, that was a friday, very memorable i get to spend it at odyssa's house, guess what, doing a project.

19. hungry? - yes, although i had a big brunch. i'm always hungry these days.

20. last thing you ate? - i had lechon kawali for lunch, haven't eaten since then.

21. you're looking forward to what day/s..? - the day you said goodnight? hahaha. actually i'm looking forward to monday. i hope our plan to go to SM San Lazaro pushes through, i haven't been to that place since it opened and i want to see it before i leave UST. it's not matter of survival but it would still be great if we could go there. of course with someone, someone. plus, GRADUATION when we get reap what we have sown.

22. how many cds are there in your collection? - not that much.

23. sunny days or rainy days? - rainy. i'm a bit melodramatic, i love it when it rains and you get to walk barefoot and just stand in the rain or just be in the house and read while your favorite cd is playing on the background. of course it would be another issue when it floods and you're in UST. that's a different story.

24. what made you write a survey? - i saw it in odyssa's blog and since i don't have anything to write about, this one would just have to fill the void. actually i have lots of things to write but that will be on another entry.

25. expectations for tomorrow? - expect the unexpected! nyahaha. no, i'm optmistic and hopeful that everything will be alright.

new

2005-10-03T19:45:00.000+08:00

tagal ng post noh...

napakawalang kwenta ng entry na to.

gusto ko lang i-share ang mga bago sa buhay ko.

new favorite ulam ko - lechon kawali na minatamis na may large chunks ng tofu, plus may sibuyas at kung anik anik.

new favorite songs - prom, tulog na, mariposa, all by sugrafree

basta maraming bago. masaya.

kaya lang masakit sa load. nawala na kasi ang globe unlimited eh.

basta happy.

oh happy days!

realizations

2005-08-12T18:16:00.000+08:00

for the past week or so my life has been sort of lackluster and uneventful it gave me the chance to think where i am as a leader, friend and student this what came out of my realizations, i want to share it because these are important lessons i have learned that maybe you can pick out a thing or two.

where does stupidity and mediocrity meet?

answer: in a subject called Land Reform and Taxation. i don't hate the subject per se on the contrary i like the subject, well i love any subject as long as I'm learning, what i despise is the person pretending to be teaching the subject. he comes to class unprepared, he reads directly from the book, he seem to be ignoramus about the subject and what is insulting is that he expects us to absorb whatever he is teaching or pretending to be doing. its insulting to me as a student because the first meeting where we were supposed to discuss, i was ultimately prepared, i want to partcipate well because i like the subject, i want to learn about the dynamics of land reform, in short i was really looking forward to class but to my dismay the teacher was not earnest enough to prepare and make the class interesting. it was insult to my sensibilities because as a student who prepares i want the person standing in front of me to have at least a modicum of preparation so that he would seem plausible in front of his students. we pay good money to get the best out of our teacher not their mediocre best. i expect to learn and nothing more, the effect on me is that i hate coming to class, its a total waste of time and brain energy just trying to pretend to understand him when he isn't sure of what he is teaching. just trying to connect what he said to what's true is a puzzle in itself.

i want to tell him to straighten up, to teach us real things and teach us well, we are seniors already, for crying out loud. he doesn't expect us to be that gullible does he? we are thinking people who knows what's real from not, who's pretending and who's for real. its a shame that a university the boasts so much, doesn't even screen their teachers and they let this kind of teachers walk the halls of AB, the same halls that great people has walked upon its insulting to the point that its degrading.

this is a warning to all those who contemplates on becoming a teacher as a profession. do not, do not forget to respect the wisdom and sensibilities of your students, they may be your students but they have their own minds that think and that works on their own. remember to respect the minds that you are molding because they look up to you for inspiration and when they see this kind of people, they doubt, they become apathetic and that's the worse contribution you can give to the society, to the future.

of course, you can curse these teachers if you as a student, studies and does your part in the learning process, if you are just as mediocre and as stupid as your teacher then you don't have the right to complain. the two of you belong together.

in short, we have come along a way, we don't deserve that kind of teacher.

after my lets-forget-about-it-hold-up-experience i have found the courage to move on, may phone na kasi ako, its a Nokia 2300, it not a colored phone but it does have a Radio and its Polyphonic. i like it very much because it has radio, the earphones are plugged to my ears all day and i get to listen to the lastest and not so latest tunes even though i'm doing something else, multi tasking and the greatest thing is that i get to text nanaman. texting is a quite a big deal for me nowadays. details, too come. hahaha. if you want to get my number just ask me personally, i can't broadcast it here, you know. i think its a blessing because now i have a much better phone, i hope last the hold up that i experience will be my last, its traumatic.

last sunday, i read an article about leadership by John Maxwell it was accompanied by an article entitled Wanted: A Few Good Leaders, it had me thinking about my leadership skills, me being the president of the BeS Society, ironic as it may seem that in my last year of college many firsts are happening to my life. and i'm a bit reluctant and uncomfortable when it comes to embracing changes, that's why at times i'm caught in between and i become indecisive, i'm really alien to the role i'm assuming and the role BeS has to play in the whole spectrum of college organizations and the space where it operates, the image is so surreal i'm finding it difficult to fit in, not that i want to fit in but BeSSoc has to. the issues being raised and talked about in the Council, is superficial, i don't think the Council or the government's mandate is to make activities that projects people's popularity, i can't seem to find the logic and the rationale of the activities. its lost somewhere in the glitz and the glamour, i can't see the reason why council or government existed, i don't know, maybe its just my exasperation with what is happening to the government that i associate it with the closest thing which are student councils. the effect is that i am a bit cautious about the BeS activities we want to implement. i think i need to refocus what we are as a society and what is our role in the lives of the students. we need to get to basics, who do we serve and why do we serve them?

on the better side, i like my interpersonal relationships nowadays, it's blooming i have amazing friends.

and i just realize that i have my whole existence to fall in love, no need to rush. the idea is EXCITING!

where did that came from?

i think somebody just texted me.

asar!

2005-08-03T11:51:00.000+08:00

nakakaASAR talaga, as in capital ASAR!

dapat kasi di na lang nagTEXT!

dapat kasi di na lang nagPANSINAN!

tuloy, naguguluhan ako.

iniisip ko yung mga bagay na di ko naman dapat iniisip

sobrang ASAR ko, nakakasuffocate na!

dapat wala akong ganitong iniisip pero it occupies my mind 24/7 and i hate it dahil marami pa akong dapat isipin kaysa dito.

hope

2005-08-02T04:19:00.000+08:00

am i in love?

no, i'm in love with the idea of BEING in love.

in the light of my current emotional situation i have adapted a new credo, ang umasa talo! of course with the prodding of my friends. but somehow the integration of this adage comes with much reluctance because this means that the source of my inexplicable bliss has to be cut short. for the past few days i have been telling myself to stop hoping and dreaming but at the same time i cannot deprive myself the source of my happiness which nowadays come in trickles. i can't help hoping when the signs are there, i cant stop hoping when the only thing i'm holding unto right now is hope.

the Bible said that the greatest values are hope, faith and love. when you continue to hope and

be faithful then you can attain love. i'm hoping that this is applicable to me.

i will continue to be hopeful, i can't help it so shoot me!

to paraphrase FPJ, huwag mong aalisin sa isang tao ang pag-asa, maaring ito na lang ang meron siya.

wow! i quoted FPJ, this must be a dire situation!

"Don't Need The Sun To Shine (To Make Me Smile)"

2005-07-24T08:36:00.000+08:00

It's been a while
But your smile always
Brightens up my day
I guess you know
Because it show
You can see it
On my face
Feels like
You've put a spell on me
Feels like
You've captured me
And baby
This is how I feel

Don't need the sun to shine
To make me smile
Don't care if it's dark outside
'Cause I've got you
And though the rain may fall
No I won't care at all
'Cause babyI know that I got you

Everyday there's a change
You bring out the best in me
My inner soul is what you know
That is how you speak to me
You seem to understand
You know just who I am
And baby, this is how I feel

Don't need the sun to shine
To make me smile
Don't care if it's dark outside'
Cause I've got you
And though the rain may fall
No I won't care at all
'Cause babyI know that I got you

Don't need a rocket man
To help me touch the sky
I don't need to fly a plane
To get this high
Don't need to hitch a ride
When I could run a million miles
Yes I would, just to see you smile

Don't need the sun to shine
To make me smile
Don't care if it's dark outside'
Cause I've got you
And though the rain may fall
No I won't care at all
'Cause baby I know i got you

2005-07-21T22:52:00.000+08:00

Three Names You Go By

MF
Fran
France

Three Screen Names You've Had

nearly_blind_31
chelsea
fernia asero

Three Physical Things You Like About Your Self

eyes
height
hands

Three Physical Things You Don't Like About Yourself

legs
feet
hair

Three Parts of Your Heritage

Filipino lang, sa pagkakaalam ko, baka may Spanish kamag-anak ako dyan, tag naman!

Three Things That Scare You

mascot
flying roaches
unidentified flying insects/objects

Three of Your Everyday Essentials

pencil case ko
notebook
file folder ko ng documents ng soc and my acads

Three of Your Favorite Musical Artists

maroon 5
bob marley
destiny's child

Three of Your Favorite Songs

Buffalo Soldier
Redemption Song
Don't Need the Sun to Shine

Three Things You Want in A Relationship

sincere and genuine love
patience
forgiveness

Three Lies and Truths in no particular order

Lies
people have good intentions all the time
GMA didn't cheat last elections
that this will not be the BeS Soc's golden age

Truth
i'm a tad lonely
i'm a bit scared
i'm a bit lost

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you

height, dapat TALL
teeth
grooming

Three of your favorite hobbies

Reading
Watching
Attending Fora

Three things you want to do badly now

catch up on my labor readings
straighten out details for soc.
and text someone

Three careers you're considering/you've considered becoming

lawyer
teacher
HR Practitioner

Three Kid's name you like

Anne
Tom
Marie

Three things you want to do before you die

become wise
contribute something to the world
go to Austria, Salzburg in particular

Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy

i like sports
i like checking out women
i don't like watching telenovelas and the buzz like shows

Three ways that you are stereotypically a girl

i have crush on lots of boys
i'm naive
and i'm super maingay

Three people that I would like to see take this quiz now

faith
mae
bianca

hits and misses

2005-07-17T12:28:00.000+08:00

i miss watching TV. sobrang nakakahiya dahil kapag nag-dedescribe na ng mga commercial si sir bong, feeling ko na-time warp ako at hindi ako makarelate! namimiss ko na manood ng news, kasi hindi na talaga ako nakakanood. paano maaga akong umaalis then late na nakakauwi and more often than not pag uwi ko tulog na ako kasi super pagod talaga. pero masaya ako.

on the other hand

why does it take a stanger to make us feel good.

last saturday, nasa FX ako na sobrang uncomfortable, tapos UBER traffic pa. bwisit na rally sa Luneta yan! aside from the fact that the FX is so uncomfortable, the driver began to cuss and curse the traffic, as if us, the passengers are to blame when we are sufferring the same fate in his dilapidated contraption, the good thing about it though is i was able to get some sleep, kahit super pinagpapawisan ako. halfway to Taft, everybody had to get off because the driver decided not to continue to Buendia, so we got off and boarded another one, which is more comfortable than the other. i was hugging myself for some weird reason when this lady asked me if i was cold and i said no, then she followed it up with are you tired? and i had to say yes, Fourth Year na? she asked it was the first time that somebody actually asked me if i was tired. after that i feel light, parang light tlaga. it was funny because the feeling was so new and refreshing.

God really knows what you need and when you need it.

larawan

2005-07-13T10:28:00.000+08:00

sana, lahat na lang tayo tumigil sa isang larawang masarap tignan.
larawan ng saya, at pagkakaisa.
larawan ng kapatiran at tutuhanang pagkakaibigan.
napapangiti ako sa larawang iyon, ang saya kasi natin dun,
di tulad ngayon, malungkot kasi makasarili tayo.
gusto nating sarilinin ang ligaya sa larawan.
imbes na ibahagi, gusto mong sarilinin.
gusto mo ikaw na lang parati, mamahagi ka naman.
kaibigan nga di ba? bakit ikaw lang?
bakit sayo lang?

sarap tignan ng larawan, sana maalala ko pa
ang pakiramdam ng sayang dala ng larawan.
sana ang larawan ang magpaalala sating,
tayo pala'y MAGKAKAIBIGAN!

waiting

2005-07-13T10:21:00.000+08:00

I hate this feeling
of anticipating, waiting
for me hear
a text of someone dear
Why am I even bothering
when I know its nothing,
just a sick thought
even an illusion,
perhaps hallucination
that they will think of me.
In this sad, musky night
it will be me and my labor.
As I anticipate, as I wait.
Finally....
A text.
...from someone else.

masaya

2005-07-07T07:53:00.000+08:00

masaya ako, ikaw masaya ka ba?

ako masaya, sa sobrang saya ko nga ang ganda ng sulat ko sa notebook ko.

pero hindi ko naman kayang maging "overt" sa kasiyahan ko kasi ang daming taong malungkot, tuloy ang kasiyahan ko ay sa loob.

pero masaya ako,

sana maging masaya na rin sila.

para masaya.

threshold

2005-06-19T08:59:00.000+08:00

How much pain can you take?
How much suffering can you endure?
How much sorrow can your heart bear?

How long can you stay strong?
Despite the fact that you are broken,
How many nights can you spend crying,
Alone and in despair?

How much more can you take,
before everything goes cold and numb?
How much more can you face,
without a trace of loneliness?
Eventhough inside you are ripe to die.

Oh, old rose! Prick my hands with your thorns
As i try to embrace my threshold.

dream jobs

2005-05-13T21:22:00.000+08:00

someday i will have the following as my career

destabilizer - i will be in the news everyday, i will ask people to mount a revolt to topple the government, of course i won't join them in the streets, i will be behind the planning and i will drive the incumbet crazy, so crazy that she won't be able to do her job, thus expediting my rise to power.

assasin - i will kill people, for a certain amount of money specially now that journalists are easy targets, come one what are the chances that i'll get caught?

coup plotter - now this will be tough because for me to become a coup plotter i need to be in the military, but with a few pull of strings this can be done, then i will handle the office of comptrollership, then i can buy myself some fancy condominium somewhere in new york.

military adventurist - while in the military i will drive people mad by hostaging an establishment and telling people its a spontaneous outburst, what the heck, the worst thing that can happen is being punished with push - ups.

estafa - dor - i will build a pre need company and rob people of their money, of course with the guise that their money is in good hands while i invest them in debt ridden corporations like NAPOCOR.

CEO of a GOCC - if you need money fast, this is the way to go. money that you shouldn't be touching and money you shouldn't be spending, specially when they are the money of the people.

mafia leader - money from crime, who doesn't want that.

of course these would be my dream jobs if i wanted my soul to burn in hell, and if i have the gall to put my people into so much suffering.

insecurities

2005-05-12T18:51:00.000+08:00

tama ba tong pinasok ko?

sana joke lang to!

pero nandito na ko, wala na akong magagawa....

ngayon pa lang kasi nag-sisink in yung bigat ng gagawin ko, nung tumakbo kasi ako hindi ko pa masaydong iniisip yun, dahil sa sobrang contention and resistance sa pagtakbo kaya ako tumakbo, hindi ko naman iniisip na i'm the better person for th job, it was more of dahil ayaw niyo kong patakbuhin mas lalo akong tatakbo. e nanalo ako, what now?

i guess, sympre gawin lahat in my capacity to steer the society forward. alam ko naman kaya ko kung kakayanan lang naman ang tanong hanggang kailan?

plus the fact that the future looms near. ano na ang gagawin ko? after college we have to make oppurtunities for ourselves. wala ng parents to finance our tuition fees, everything will be up to us, am i reaady for that?

i'm really insecured and scared but at the same time excited and anticipating.

oh well. i'll just do whatever it is to be done, kung sila nga nagawa nila ako pa? eh si francia ako..

living in false bravado, hayaan niyo na!

one time showing...the conclusion

2005-05-06T13:42:00.000+08:00

somehow with that dream, it had me thinking, thinking a lot. everything seems to remind me that i don't have someone special in my life. no one to remind me to eat my lunch or my dinner, someone to greet me good morning everytime the dawn breaks or hold my hand when i feel scared and vulnerable. last wednesday, 2bU had an entire issue on love, how people met and how they became couples. i read each and every article hoping it could inspire me to my one great love.

i have always thought that for me its just going to be one, i will only have one, one great love. that person will sweep off my feet, he will make me feel special and he will make me feel important. i do not expect him to be riding a horse donning an armor suit or clad in basketball jersey, but of course i relish the thought. he should not be intimidated by me, he should be in control of his life, he should be more responsible than i am, he should be dependable. intelligence is a factor, he should be able to keep with me. he should be opinionated and principled, he should love his family, specially his mother, to the point that he loves his mother more than me, because i believe that how he treats his mom is a semblance of how he will treat his future wife.

i know my standards are high, thats why i'm going to wait...i'm going to wait for my great love to be all that i expect him to be. i know God is still preparing him for me, with such standards he needs all the preparation he can get.

in the meantime, i will prepare myself so that i will be deserving of my one great love. i will enjoy my singleness by being everything God intended me to be, i will explore the world and see what i can get from it, then i'll come home to the arms of my one great love.

the feeling of that arms cradling you is bliss, its heaven but i think i can wait, i mean it will be worth the wait, when i'm prepared, when his prepared. right now, i'm just happy being me, happy that the world is the arms ready to embrace me.

i once told a friend that if i ever get to hold the hand of my one great love i will never not let it go. i will still do that when the time is right finally.

one time showing

2005-05-05T00:12:00.000+08:00

let start this entry with a song:

naiinis na ako sa iyo

bakit mo ba ako ginaganito

ikaw ba ay naguguluhan sa 'king

tunay na nararamdaman sa iyo

ano pa bang dapat na gawin pa

sa 'king pananamit at pananalita

upang iyong mapagbigyang pansin aking

paghanga at pagtingin sa iyo

@wag mo na sana akong pahirapan pa

kung ayaw mo sa 'kin ay sabihin mo na

wag mo na sana akong ipaasa sa wala

oo na mahal na kung mahal kita

ano pa bang dapat na gawin ko

upang malaman mo ang nadarama ko

upang iyong mapagbigyang pansin

aking paghanga at pagtingin sa iyo

@oo na mahal na kung mahal kita

--wag mo na sana by parokya ni edgar

there's something funny about this song, it has been ringing in my ears for ages now (of course thats an exaggeration!) what's more funny is that i seem to relate to the lyrics even though i am not in this situation.

i rare glimpse of the tyrant's heart.

i'm rather cynic when it comes to the matters of the heart. you rarely hear me talking about this, or even if i do talk about it i follow it up by a YUCK! i'm really not comfortable discussing these matters for one obvious reason, i have never really experienced LOVE as the way lovers see it. when people talk about the heart, i would say its the hypothalamus, stupid. for me its just a matter of biology but things seem to change with my pereception about LOVE. i feel this profound sadness and a bit of emptiness. i have been yearning for so long now. yearning for someone who will be with me in times of hapiness and loneliness, someone to check up on me all the time, someone whom i can share my days activities, my hopes and madness. i know i'm still young, i will find HIM when the time is right, i just want to know that he's somewhere out there, he exist and he exist only for me. i'm feeling quite envious to those people who have somehow felt the love, the care and concern of another person. i wish someone would feel that way about me. people seem to think that i'm indepedent, i don't need anybody, boy are they wrong! i need someone specially now, that i'm entering a critical stage of my existence. i need somone to reassure me, to tell me that its going to be ok, and would tell me, huwag kang matakot, pagkat andito lang ako.

do you know what triggered this feeling, last night i dreamt that i had my somebody, he cradled me in his arms and they felt so good, so good that i can still feel it hours after i woke up. its such a good feeling that its unfair i haven't experienced it.

so sad.

recently

2005-04-27T12:48:00.000+08:00

this is my last week at work, i decided to quit already because society work is already piling up. we want everything to be in place before the school year starts, so that the worthless hassles can be avoided and of course we have our studies to think of.

i can feel that people are worried about my studies and commitment to the society, if its any consolation i myself, am worried. i may not give my one hundred percent to my studies or the society but i know in my heart that with God's help and His infinite wisdom He will guide me and hold my hand as i traverse this road.

i have been reading a book entitled Winning the War Within, its a book about overcoming temptations and inner struggles. i like it so far, it gives me the oppurtunity to reflect and see myslef in a different view, as a human being vulnerable to sins and temptations. i want to change my ways. i want to be a person who reflects God's image and likeness in my daily activities. i want people to see God in me. i know it's difficult, i find myself regretting every action or word that i utter and cursing myself for it but somewhere within i find peace that in each struggle i know He's with me, me His humble creation, me His eternal servant.

summer has been great. i didn't go nor will i ever go to any beach for anytime soon but i am okay with that because in exchange i have had chances to get to know myself better and read books and newspaper, of course my self-confessed addiction. i am preparing myself for the incoming school year, i am anticipating problems that my come and i am mentally preparing myself for the challenges this new role can bring. sometimes, i find it hard to sleep just thinking about it...

relax.

everything gonna be alright....

small thoughts

2005-03-30T10:20:00.000+08:00

there are only two paths newly grads can tread on either you go abroad or you get into call centers or in general outsourcing industries.

goodluck!

musings of an OJTee

2005-03-23T13:38:00.000+08:00

I'm currently at work faxing some papers for Team BPO. its a job expo that our company is oragnizing. if anyone is insterested just visit Greenbelt 1 on 27 and 28 of May and meet the leaders in BPO (Business Process Outsourcing). you may meet you dream employer there, so visit Greenbelt 1 on May 28 and 29! for ICT (information, communication and technology) Industry only!

am i happy doing my OJT?

yes, because i am learning from people who have bundles of experience and expertise. although it is not HR focused beacuse our services are mainly IT but working with other people, weaving your way through conflicts, feeling the ambience in the office and developing rapport with your officemates are the intagibles that you should learn regardless of what industry or department you are in. i could say that i'm learning a lot from the people i'm working with and working for.

plus, the working conditions are above par we have free lunch and it feels like home, well it is home, technically that it is, beacuse it is the house of the owner of the company. it has a very relaxed and comfortable working atmosphere. i can say that those are the perks of working here. i'm also beginning to adjust from the distance of this place to our home. i'm getting used to it because i'm entertained by the sights in my bus ride to work, plus it gives me time to think.

do i think OJT is important?

at first i was cursing it, hell for a whole lot of reasons but now now i'm starting to see the light (huh??!) i mean the significance of it in our lives as students. you really can't learn everything in school. yes they do tell you what to expect but you really can't grasp everything just by sitting in the classroom. we need to feel how it is to be at the mercy of other people and our lives depending on them, well school seems to be that way also but this is much more difficult and complex. it is important for the whole learning process, crazy as it may seem. plus the excitement of being a corporate slave for the capitalist world seems pleasing at times. you just have to love and live it.

what are the perks of being a trainee?

the most important benefit of being a trainee is that you have a license to be stupid, a moron, an imbecile and whatever name you have for tanga. they don't really expect you to be uber bright, and they don't rally expect that much from you. all you need to do is to be on your toes for their every beckon. in short be a slave. you have every reason to be tanga because your a trainee. they assume that you don't anything so you join in their little play and you depend on them for your every move. you don't have this kind of leisure when you start to work, companies expect you to be all knowing so that they can generate more income.

you will never be prepared for everything. there is no such thing as perfect preparation, you have to brace your self for whatever that may come your way but you can be slightly prepared OJT is one of those ways at least you know and you felt how it is to "work".

i hope this becomes fruitful.

ako ay nagbalik

2005-03-17T12:52:00.000+08:00

salamat at naayos ko na ang blog ko dahil namimiss ko ng magblog. anywho? bakit ako nagtatagalog eh dati lagi namang English ang ginagamit ko? ewan!?! alam ko na kasi i'm suffering from guilt pangs! i should be studying for final exams in Political Dynamics but here i am blogging my way with odyssa (she's right beside me!)

in brief statements, an update of what's been goin with my life

i have been doing unofficial and informal president stuff.

had our first meeting as executive board.

been travelling to greenhills for my OJT with iDnet Consulting Inc.

had our presentation of the Rodgers and Hammerstein's The Sound of Music

had our BeS Night and our own version of the Intoxication Night

have been very busy lately but summer is about to start and i'll have a few changes in my blog once i find a better template...

tag everyone, love to hear from you.

when it rain, it pours

2005-02-13T11:22:00.000+08:00

its official, its been posted and i have been congratulated. I WON! i won the position of president of the BeS Soc this coming school year 2005 -2006. of the 6 people who ran under my ticket, 5 made it and boy were we happy! at first i wasn't really ecstatic, it was more of relief than happiness i don't know why but i am not that overwhelmed. compared with the announcement that i perfected my prelims in PGC when i was in first year with this new accomplishment, i have to say i was more happy and ecstatic with my grades.

when the circumstances and conditions that surrounded my winning were revealed, i felt blessed, humbled, and prudent because i know this new responsibility handed to me was not a self-serving endeavor, it was giving and sharing not taking. i was humbled because i realized that it didn't come from me, it came from the people, they choose me. blessed because some wanted the position themselves but it was given to me with precept that i can do a better job. and prudent because from now on everything i do will reflect on the society and of course i only want the best for the society.

more than anything else, i am happy that my classmates united to vote for me, it was an overwhelming feeling because last year 6 people didn't vote for me but now their preceptions change and our relations improved meaning i'm more closer to these people, and that i'm just happy and greatful.

right now, im not yet fully absorbing the enormity of the job but don't worry one of these days it will dawn on me that this job is no joke.

i'm just happy and thankful nonetheless.

elections

2005-02-06T09:32:00.000+08:00

so francia where have you been lately?

you wouldn't believe what i've done these past couple of weeks. i ran for PRESIDENT of the BEHAVIORAL SCIENCE SOCIETY, elections is not until monday. yesterday was the last day of campaign and it was emotional for all of us candidates.

the first weeek was for recruitment, we were looking for people to fill the positions. there were glitches along the way but it was ironed out but of course not without casualties, we lost our precious AUDITOR. but it's okay, it was proving to be a good gamble on our part.

the second week was the filing of COC's (certificate of candidacies), it was intriguing and hostile for competing parties. there were a lot of manuevering, strategic moves and intrigues in the process but cooler heads and better judgement prevailed. this is were i realized that politics is a vey complex process because it involves two of the most dangerous elements in the planet: man and his inner desires. hand in hand with the filing was the screening, the aim of which i haven't totally grasped, because instead of asking about our intentions and plans, they were asking for past events that doesn't really matter. the better part i believe was when we met the past president of the Soc, where he showed me a good perspective of leadership and service.

the third week was for campaign, how indifferent and passive the students are! they are not really listening most of them were busy with their own lives (and cheeks) that they don't care about what's happening around them, the sad part is that they will be the next in line in leading the society.

after the tedious and worrisome weeks, i just cried because in this stage of the game, i can't do anything. this is where the part when we just have to let go and let be and let HIS will be done.

do pray for me.
this is the whole gang:

left to right: Vp Internal Namron, President Francia, SecretaryAileen, PRO Tabby, Auditor (in our hearts :0)Gilbert, VP External Dianne, Treasurer Bianca.

team building

2005-01-21T11:57:00.000+08:00

our very first activity for 2005 was the team building, it aims to foster unity, camaraderie and efficient team work among BeS Majors. Although the attendance was dismal, we had lots of fun and we were happy and we made a lot of new friends. it was also the start of another chapter of the BeS Society. BeS is Behavioral Science (for those of you who don't know). here are some pictures to relive the event.

dianne, (smile naman dyan!) bianca, sir kliatchko, justin, jassie

they call themselves the Pink Mannequin

faith and i

jeepney buddies

it was short and sweet, whether we achieve the objectives are another story.

pictures from everywhere

2005-01-15T10:23:00.000+08:00

Pictures form Bataan, here are just a few of them

better late than never, these are our pictures from Bataan, thats us girls in our rooms

our arrival at Bataan

odyssa and francia

sorry, maaga kaming gumising (si charisee mag-ootso-otso ata)

have a little FAITH and ME

photos courtsey of June and Team Building pictures next time, when I'm no longer feel the pangs of guilt because i didn't attend my Spanish class today!

walk down baywalk

2005-01-09T17:56:00.000+08:00

eventhough there are a lot of things to be done, i had the chance to catch up with my highschool friends last saturday. it was the first birthday of our classmate's child and it was held on Popeye in Robinsons Ermita. Holy Ann, Mary Rose, Melanie, Lorey, Karen and I was there to support our good friend. It was also a reunion of sorts plus i got to meet the significant others of my friends they seem very happy and contented, it was really fun being with them. after the party we walked to baywalk from RP and told stories about our classamtes and ourselves. things have really changed dramatically, everybody is so busy and everyone have lives of their own, quite apart from the life that we use to live back when we are in High School. eventhough that was the case, I can still see traces of our childhood and adolescence, it was really fun but at the back of our minds we know that we are no longer the same people who hanged out in SMA's canteen sipping Aling Norm's shake and giggling about our crushes. we have grown, and we are faced with significant issues that one cannot ignore.

it was sad but happy at the same time, things have change but the fact that they were once in your life will never change and the emblem of your childhood will always be there alive, forever.

this entry is so pensieve.

copy and paste

2005-01-04T22:29:00.000+08:00

... in keeping with the tradition of copying and pasting this is my contribution to society... (courtsey of MS. Amposta)

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Ma. Francia Rosero
Birth date: September 23, 1985
Birth place: In Makati, St. Claire's Hospital
Current Location: I'm still in Makati
Eye Color: black
Hair Color:black
Righty or Lefty: righty, but sometimes I wish I could be lefty or an ambidextrose
Zodiac Sign: Libra

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: Filipino by heart, soul, mind and appearance
Shoes you wore today: I didn't wear any shoes today, just my good 'ol tsinelas
3 things i did today: i tended the store while reading the newspaper, read Pol dy, took a nap
Your fears: Failure, and not being able to achieve my dreams before going to eternal sleep
Your perfect pizza: lots of pineapple, cheese and pepperoni

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
Your most overused phrase on YM: hey? i don't use the YM much...
Your thoughts first waking up: the things I'm supposed to do today. (task oriented?)
Your best physical feature: physically, it would have to be the eyes, but people dont usually noitice it because I have eye glasses.
but the BEST physical feature for me would be my hands, because it can do a lot of things.
Your bedtime: what's bed time? of recent its between 2:00 - 3:00
Your most missed memory: the days when i could play and be merry all the time, life without responsibilities.

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonalds, I love their fries
Single or group dates: i don't go on dates so neither
Adidas or Nike: Nike, i like the endorsers
Lipton Tea or Nestea: what's the difference? nestea i guess.
Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate, i'm a big fan of chocolate.
Cappuccino or coffee: coffee. black with just a tad of sugar.

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: sometimes...
Take showers: of course, i do these all the time.
Have a crush(es): a lot! i've already lost count.
Think you've been in love: in my mind, yes.
Like(d) high school: not just liked it LOVED it!
Want to get married: not on top of my priorities, but maybe someday.
Get motion sickness: yes,
Think you're a health freak: no, but i think i should be. i want to live long enough to see my dreams into fruition.
Get along with your parents: yes, we get along great.
Like thunderstorms: yes, i love everything that has to do with the rain.
Play an instrument: No, but i wish i could play the violin or the cello, it has an eerie sound.

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank alcohol: no.
Gone on a gimik: no, i'm such a good girl
Gone to the mall:of course.
been on stage: yes.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: not yet, but i'll add that to my to do list.
Eaten sushi:not yet, not a big fan of raw foods.
Gone skating: no. i hate ice. its cold.
Had a tan: i think i dont need a tan.
Dyed your hair: no, i love its color.

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated:mildly intoxicated
Changed who you were to fit in: i don't need to fit in, but we all changed right?

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLD
Age you hope to be married: late 30's or when i've accomplished everything i want to do.
Children:just two
Describe your dream wedding: Basketball court? seriously, any wedding as long as i have someone with me on the altar.
How do you want to die: just normal, i don't want any drama and tragic endings.
What do you want to be when you grow up: I want to be wise.
What place would you most like to visit: countries that was involve in WWII, like Austria and the Netherlands and South Korea

LAYER NINE: IN A GAL/GUY
Best eye color?: Black
Best hair color?: Black
Short or long hair: short hair, not much into long hair-ed guys or the punks and artists.
Height: tall, very tall. between 5'8 to 6'5
Best first date location: i want to watch a basketball game on our first date.
Articles of clothing: jeans, shirt and comfy sneaks.

LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS
Number of bags i own: i've lost count but it's more than 10
Number of CD's I own: i don't own that much cds.
Number of piercings: just two.
Number of tattoos:don't have and not planning to have one anytime soon
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper:never, but that would have to be on top of my list.
Number of scars on my body: i've lost count, i'm not keeping track of scars you know.
Number of things in my past that I regret: starting late in the game, and making a lot of stupid decisions.

....i'm extremely, scared right now, i have a lot of things in my mind...

holidays update

2004-12-30T16:56:00.000+08:00

so what have you been up to? where have you been for the past couple of weeks?

i haven't been updating for a while because we have no internet connection. our telephone lines was cut off because of unpaid bills, don't worry it has been taken cared of that's why i can use the internet now. the surge of the bills was partly my fault because of the incessant use of the PLDT Internet service. so part of my new ways for the 2005 is to buy my own inernet card so as not to burden my mom with my addiction with the internet. such desperate measures.

what happened to your sensitivity training?

it was okay, i guess for me that is. it was fun while it lasted. it was also sort of a beginning for me, the healing or the process didn't end when we left Bataan, it was a start of something rather that the end. it had me thinking for quite a while because of the events that transpired. if there is something that i learned from the activity is that its okay to acknowledge certain feelings and emotions. one by one we bared our souls, our fears, inhibitions, talents and through the nakedness we discovered ourselves, our true selves, which might be problematic for some because we cannot reconcile with our true selves which is sad.

so how was it for you? what was your discoveries?

the images was so piognant that it didn't leave me for days. the trees, the mountains, the darkness, the stars were amazing that within the embrace of nature i found myself and my future which seem so clear. within nature's gift i realized that its okay to feel embarrassed, humiliated, ridiculed (once in a while), or whatever feelings you have because it enhances your being human. the acknowledgement that certain feelings do exists and one cannot shun them out completeley enriches human existence. through these feelings we are able to find the deeper meaning of life, through these feelings we are able to relate better with ourselves and commune better with our souls...

i am a control freak. everyone who knows me knows that. i relish the respect that i command. i am strong on the outside, i am sturdy and i don't like to be laugh at or be in a middle of an imbroglio but through the sensitivity training i learned to let go of my front and deal with emotions as they come and perceive it as normal as the air and as mystifying also like the air. i fell down, i felt embarrassed, i felt conscious but that's okay because its part of me.
i learned to be thankful, for everything i have and don't have because for everything that i don't have, my haves make up for it, tripled.
that i certianly love nature, and love GOD, who's the beginning and everything of it.

what did you do on christmas?

I FELL IN LOVE. the next thing i love most besides reading is watching t.v. or movies. although i see them late or delayed, i enjoy watching them, especially those movies/shows that has high regards for its audience intelligence and sensibility. throughout the holidays i caught up with movies and t.v. shows that i haven't seen. i saw matrix reloaded. i was weepy with sex and the city the farewell and i saw chicago. let me tell you, the dancing was amazing. i fell in love with musicals, again. catherine zeta-jones and my fave renee zellwegger was astounding. and i saw finding nemo, which was adventurously amazing and its graphics are great (note to myself: must be a movie or tv show critique.<--- this would be my dream job but not my regular job, of course next to being a fire fighter)

we weren't able to do what was planned on christmas day because of different factors... too bad.

are you looking forward to 2005.

honestly? no, i dread going back to school because of the amount of work that needs to be taken cared of. just thinking about them makes me tired that i end up not touching any of it. i just sit there stare at the books that needs to be opened and i dared not to open the PC because the responsibilities would mentally line itself up bugging me relentlessly. you should have seen the conflict when i decided to write my entry for this blog. but what can i do, i need to face it.

what's your new year's wish?

1. world peace? (what a cliche!)
2. just enough strength and patience to deal with it all. (it, meaning?...)
3. better me. (i'm working on that!)

happy new year everyone!

pictures from bataan, soon! (c/o june ador)

mental notes

2004-12-13T01:13:00.000+08:00

i've decide to put off my livejournal account because i don't think i can handle two web logs. i'm just starting to get the hang of blogspot and i want to maximize everything before starting a new one.

i made a list of the movies i would really love to see either on the big screen or on tv.

1. Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason
2. Cold Mountain
3. Love Actually
4. Ray
5. The Godfather Series
6. Casablanca
7. Chicago
8. Phantom of the Opera
9. Sound of Music (Again)
10. Bridges of Madison County

well, because i have been hearing a lot of good things about this films and i want to see it myself. this is just a few of the movies i wanted to see. there are also filipino films i wanted to see specially those by lino brocka and the one where nora aunor said the lines "my brother is not a pig" it has earned such a reputation it would be a sin not to see it.

i also wanted to have the songs of levi celerio in a cd. i wonder where i could fine such.

also, just today when i was lazily lounging and listening to the radio. a thought popped up my mind, i wanted to write but then again when i happen to find a few words i would suddenly feel awkward about it as if i'm doing something that's useless or unconventional of me. i have lots of ideas that i really wanted to say/write but i don't think i have the acendancy to do that. i feel that my English both written and spoken needs a lot of polishing around the edges that's why i have been yearning for a good English teacher but since i've left high school, i haven't met someone who has the patience to teach the language in a different level.

so i made the mental note, to brush up on my grammar lesson, so i wouldn't feel awkward using the language.

another mental note: i must prepare for a test later today and i must stop using the internet at 2:00 am.

last song: I Wanna Be With You (really i do...)

...oh such useless ramblings...

update

2004-12-11T01:36:00.000+08:00

i'm putting up a livejournal account. so do stand by my latest discovery on internet tools. check that out once it comes out.

must prepare for a quiz in spanish. (don't start on me about this one!!!)

twilight zone, sensitivity training and christmas....

2004-12-10T13:17:00.000+08:00

so this is how it feels like to be in a twilight zone. last monday i forgot i have a class at 1. i actually thought class was supposed to be at 3:00 but surprise surprise. the funny thing though is that i was at school but i thought i was early so i spent an hour or so at the library and at 2:30 thinking that i was still early for class, i walked ever so slowly to our classroom. and boy was i surprised when i found out that i was already late for an hour and 30 minutes. i didn't remember my schedule and it actually fled out of mind. so bizarre and it didn't just happen to me, there were other two people who thought class was at 3:00.

christmas is here, the air in undoubtedly much colder making showers unbearable. unlike the other christmas i had, i am actually looking forward to the days leading to christmas. of course there will be the bataan sensitivity training, where i will be spending 3 good days and 2 nights with my classmates within the enclave of nature. i hope its beautiful in Bagaac because my soul is yearning for nature, i'm getting weary of the city sights. then christmas, if things go according to plan, we will be celebrating christmas with dozen or so cousins mostly young kids. it will be filled with children's shouting and laughter. we planned to have games and things like that. i really like my young cousins even though they are a lot of trouble simply because they are kids. i've read somewhere that christmas is not actually about gifts (oh what a cliche) but the memories brought about by these gifts, regardless of their monetary amount. when you think about it, these gifts would be destroyed in a couple of years but the memoreis of happy christmas will always be there, i want to be part of their memories of a happy christmas, besides its been quite a while since we last celebrated christmas with other people. i hope it will be a blast.

currently reading: David Copperfield by Charles Dickens. hopefully i finish this one before christmas because this is Dickens' favorite so maybe just maybe after reading it, it will be my favorite too.

last song: I Believe by Fantasia Barrino. this song was performed in Eat Bulaga and from then on it has been ringing in my ears. plus there will be an American Idol special at Star World this coming Tuesday. hopefully i can see this one.

must end here.

definitions

2004-12-03T11:03:00.000+08:00

defining growing up is like defining democracy, its very problematic. if taken on an idealistic context then nobody will fit the description so we must take a "minimalistic" or the Schumpeterian meaning, which for democracy is countries which held periodic, relatively honest and universal suffrage, and with growing up the minimalistic definition would be someone who at the end of the year adds another digit to his age, with that definition everybody is included right?

for me, i think growing up is making decisions that you have to stand up and be responsible for. these decisions can be influenced once in a while but the ultimate answers would have to be yours, whatever decision you make consequences would arise and if you don't make these decisions major setbakcs could occur. and growing up entails more and more decision making which has bigger and bigger consequences, sometimes we don't want to deal with these but we have to because the future of mankind is at stake (wow! very melodramatic). anyhow, what i'm driving at is everybody grows up, while growing up we make decisions and these decisions carve our paths.

i must decide now! to drop the mouse and pick my pen and start making seat plans. see what growing up does.

The New and Improved

2004-12-02T13:03:00.000+08:00

how do you like my new template? isn't it pretty? well i have to change once in a while, the freen template is getting kinda old. so here, something pink. i hope you like it as much as i like it.

this template has been imported from blogskin.com, thanks to the wonderful people who shares their talent to tech naive like myself. i actually altered and personalized this template for two straight days, this is actually the 2nd template i've tried on because the other is so small i have to change it. this one is much better plus i love the flower background, you know me, im a flower person. =) i intentionally ignored assignments, my newspaper just to finish this thing, its a good thing it went well.

the downside though, i cant get the profile part that i have in my old template and i don't have my archives anymore... so there. the good thing is there are pictures and more eye candy for the senses to enjoy.

keep tag-ing okey. and more thoughts next time

p.s.

i hope evreybody's safe and warm in this crazy weather.

Huwag Kang Matakot

2004-12-01T11:01:00.000+08:00

uwag Kang Matakot
[ Eraserheads ]

INTRO

Huwag kang matakot
‘Di mo ba alam nandito lang ako
Sa iyong tabi
‘Di kita pababayaan kailanman
At kung ikaw ay mahulog sa bangin
Ay sasaluhin kita

CHORUS 1
Huwag kang matakot na matulog mag-isa
Kasama mo naman ako
Huwag kang matakot na umibig at lumuha
Kasama mo naman ako
Huwag kang matakot

Huwag kang matakot
Dahil ang buhay mo’y walang katapusan
Makapangyarihan ang pag-ibig
Na hawak mo sa iyong kamay
Ikaw ang Diyos at hari ng iyong mundo
Matakot sila sa ‘yo

[Repeat CHORUS 1 except last line]

CHORUS 2
Huwag kang matakot na magmukhang tanga
Kasama mo naman ako
Huwag kang matakot sa hindi mo pa makita
Kasama mo naman ako
Huwag kang matakot
Aahhhah

[Repeat CHORUS 1]

Huwag kang matakot (huwag kang matakot)
‘Di kita pababayaan kailanman

Dante's Inferno

2004-11-28T18:47:00.000+08:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante's" Divine Comedy Inferno Test

its a leap of faith

2004-11-23T15:35:00.000+08:00

"Leap Of Faith"

Michelle Branch

One less call to answer,

feeling full of despair,

don't think I can get through it,

just one last prayer.

*And it's a leap of faith,

when you believe there's someone out there,

it's a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares,

oh,and when I call out to you,

will you be right there,

right there.

Searching for the answer,

nobody seems to care,

Oh how I wish that you were here,

beside me, to wipe away my tears.

*And it's a leap of faith,

when you believe there's someone out there,

it's a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares,

oh,and when I call out to you,

will you be right there, right there.

Waiting for the answer,

remembering times we would share,

somehow I feel you here beside me,

even though your not there.

*And it's a leap of faith,

when you believe there's someone out there,

it's a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares,

oh,and when I call out to you,

will you be right there-

[Bridge:]

Right there---And I'll be waiting by the window for your smile to come through,

and I'll be waiting in the darkness when I call out to you,

and I'll remember when you told me,

I could trust in you-

*And it's a leap of faith,

when you believe there's someone out there,

it's a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares,

oh,and when I call out to you,

will you be right there-

It's a leap of faith,

and I believe that you are out there,

it's a leap of faith and I believe you truly care,

oh,and when I call out to you,

I know you'll be right there,

right there,

and it's a leap of faith

?!?!

2004-11-23T15:21:00.000+08:00

confused, bewildered, lonely, desperate, frustrated, in love, in lost, anxious, afraid, uncertain...

you know the usual teen-age stuff.

but the funny thing is, im no longer a teenager, or am i?

i just need you, where the hell are YOU????

influences

2004-11-20T22:56:00.000+08:00

well, for starters school was great, for those of you who wanted to ask.

today we found out what our scores meant, scores in our personality tests. the most notable result was that i had a lot of masculine features in me, well not physically that is. it means i am tough, doesn't easily get disgusted by disgusting things and i like a lot of boys stuff which is not bad and that i don't deny. i like a lot of guy-thing/s because i find it fun and cool. (so go ahead and shoot me!) i will not in any way justify it but rather i'll try to rationalize it and see why that came about. for one, in my life i have seen women portray male roles and be good at it so i see that its normal and its good. i have seen a lot of women do better jobs than men so i felt that being strong and determined is not only a male thing but can be done by women as well... for example in the two people power that this country witnessed its always the women who save this county. its a sign that women will be the saving grace of humanity. my theory is that being exposed in this kind of phenomena gave me the reason to like guy things and not be ashamed of it, this women made me strong, empowered and made it okay to take charge. and i think the bigger reason for my propensity for male things is that these are my only connection to the most important males in my life. that being my brother, father and friends. we are not always together but when i watch basketball and wrestling and these kind of things, it makes me feel that they exist and that they are with me although not all the time. i don't need to justify it and it doesn't gave me any doubt of my sexuality but instead i see that a lot of things influence us and our growth, its either good or bad, but whatever it is, it makes us who we are we just have to know how it will be for our greater good.

another thing on influences, well i have been thinking a lot (i have a high T for Thoughfulness in my GZTS results) about the things i want to accomplish this semester. in suamary i want to do more and be more but i am afraid of what people might think on my way to achieving these goals. i am afraid of their behind-my-back talks, i don't want them to think that i am all-that and i want the attention, like in class, i know i can do something but i am afraid to raise my hand and volunteer because i don't want them to think that i am such a kiss up. sometimes i really really want to recite consecutively but i'm afraid that my classmates would think i hug the spotlight too much. their thoughts influence me so much, its scary really. i guess this is my curse, because i have a high T (its in 95%ile) i think too much of what they might say to me and i'm scared out of my wits.

sometimes i fell that maybe we should be islands so that we don't have to interfere and intervene in each other's lives, well like that's possible. i just hope i know how to lessen this influences so that i can have fun in my life. (fun being doing the things you like although people might think its stupid and pathetic)

soul searching

2004-11-14T13:51:00.000+08:00

Your Archetype:

The Map

The Map personality is often deeply and intimately involved in the world. This world however is usually inside his/her own mind. Thoughtful to the extreme, this type is often obsessed with perfection and the rules governing their own personal interests.

They are generally good-natured people, and are often in areas not important to them very easy-going. Step across the line in regard to something the Map deems important however and you will recognize the wrath of the true believer. Principles to the Map are generally black and white. Their understanding of these principles however are always in question. Because the Map personality believes strongly in justice, it will often question its own perceptions, in fear that a mistake could have disastrous consequences. This prevents the Map personality from becoming too dictatorial or didactic.

Mood Analysis

You are constantly trying to make a favorable impression and endeavoring to be considered as that someone 'special'. You are pretty good at using various tactics and strategies that give the impression that you are in control. Maybe you are - but you are constantly watching to see whether or not your endeavors are truly appreciated. Be careful... just as 'you' may be endeavoring to influence others, 'they' may indeed be influencing you.

You 'need to be needed'. As an idealist you are intolerant of anything short of special consideration from those close to you. If you do not get what you seek you are apt to become reclusive and you will close the doors on all those within your sphere of influence.

You are a dreamer and you seek perfection in any relationship that you may establish. Some of your ideas and standards are over the top so it may be a good idea to review your perception of life and accept people for what they are - not for what you would like them to be.

You are feeling extremely nervous and frustrated. At this moment you are impatient, erratic and irritable. It could be that you are not feeling that well at this time - possibly suffering from hypertension. You feel that the situation is threatening and dangerous. You are resentful that what you have striven so hard for is being menaced and you are at your wits end because you feel powerless to prevent it. You are fearful that everything can collapse on you like a pack of cards and that you could lose everything. You are unable to view the situation objectively. You are attempting to remove or minimise this threat but you are overextended to the point of nervous prostration.

You are putting on a show - a facade. You are a master of demonstrating considerable charm in the hope that this can or will lead to better things. Deep down you are fearful that this may not work and that you may have to employ other strategies in order to realize all your ambitions.

in case you want one youself go check out: www.colorgenics.com

negative vibes

2004-11-14T13:31:00.000+08:00

what do you do when you become cynic and you can't seem to find the meaning in things that you see?
what do you do the emotions you feel are so temporal and very shallow?
what do you do when you start to question the wisdom behind everything that is happening to you?
what do you do when become pessimistic?
what do you do when you can't grasp the meaning and worth of something although you know the meaning and worth of this thing?
how can someone seem intelligent but inside can be stupid and clueless as hell?
am i allowed to be fatigued by life even though i'm just 19?
have i really lived at all?
what do you when you're happy singing and dancing but inside you're lonely?
is this a phase i'm just going through or is this growing up?
or do i just lack sleep?
whatever it is, its sucks big time.

don't worry i'm not suicidal.

suffocate: vb; to smother, to choke, stifle.

two weeks in school and i already feel suffocated. i can feel the tension, the competition and the intensy. it is so dense its difficult to breathe. its like everybody is on the prowl waiting for somebody to fall so that they can devour on the remains. pretty graphic isn't it? but thats exactly how i feel, the rush of events and things that needs to be done jolted people in a very dangerous degree, its difficult to tell who's who, i don't know if this is the surge of ningas cogon or everybody is trying to be on their competitive edge. their desires to take over one another is like a jagged knife they are scratching and clawing one another, of course to our detriment. why is everbody on the rush to be on top, its always the journey not the destination and how can we enjoy the journey when we don't even appreciate its existence. its very lonely and suffocating i dont want to go to school, the only bright side is that the subjects are mighty interesting but its difficult to concentrate when the "error variance" is so great. i hate it! i hope school becomes fun again and the people can go back to the way they were before, nice.

Name Analysis

2004-11-13T07:18:00.000+08:00

in keeping the tradition of name analysis, this is my contribution.

Description of Your First Name of: Francia

Although the name Francia creates the urge to understand others, we stress that it limits self-expression and self-confidence causing moods. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the fluid systems, heart, lungs and bronchial area.

Your name of Francia contributes sensitive, creative, and idealistic qualities to your nature that could be expressed in a variety of literary or artistic fields. You desire harmony and refinement in your environment and in all your personal associations. Although mentally quick and intuitive in recognizing the thoughts and feelings of others, you experience a lack of fluency in verbal expression in responding.

bakit parang ang negative naman?

as for the schedule, i'm still cussing and cursing about it especially the saturday schedule which is an awful sacrifice. i can still feel my head throbbing for waking up early so i can attend a 9 am class. and i can't believe i almost got home last night at 10 pm. im so scared of the streets at night. the only consolation is our teachers are amazing except for a few, *wink* and the subjects are just as interesting. i hope evrything works ou well and what the heck i guess i'll have to compromise with the schedule what do you know maybe i'll get accustomed to it. thats a thought!

2004-11-09T12:16:00.000+08:00

walking the halls of ab

2004-11-09T12:15:00.000+08:00

june, odyssa and francia

2004-11-09T12:12:00.000+08:00

smile everyone!

school - ing

2004-11-07T22:56:00.000+08:00

its official, im in my junior year second semester and i hate my schedule. i thought it was going to be cool but now that i have pondered about it, i hate it. im going home late and my day starts preposterously late. i'm not an evening person, i want my day to start early so that i can retire early and have the evening to myself and read and watch t.v. but now that my classes (mostly) ends at 9 i don't have time to watch the most important shows. dang! anyways that's life on the bright side i may be learning more inside the classroom. (that's wishful thinking!)

i have been thinking about this a lot lately and i don't know why i'm more happy at home rather than when i'm at school, emotionally that is. i seem more contented and happy when i'm with my family, i think the school and its environment evokes so much feelings from me. i find myself confused and at times at a lost. the amount of people to deal and get along with, is rather crazy for me, whereas at home all i have to deal with is my mother and brother. you have to get along with everybody so that you can have a relative peace which is impossible because there are people you can't stand even just by being around them. maybe that's the reality of life you have to try to get along with myriad of people so that you can get what you which is rather selfish but that's how people survive by thinking about themselves but in the end their lives are half-lived because they haven't really explored the possibilities of existence. (i have to stop myself because i'm blabbering!) the point is i guess the vacation sheltered me from the harms and perils of reality but now that i have to face school, i have leave my vanguard and i'm scared and anxious and i don't know what to expect and think of. because times are so uncertain and i can't believe how things can change in a snap but if i'm going to be afraid all the time what will happen to my life? i just have to think that whatever life and circumstances give me i'm built for the kill and i'm built to last.

schooling, who said you can't get educated in school.

frenzied thoughts

2004-11-03T17:54:00.000+08:00

i'm really sorry about the luckluster post i have the other day, i can't seem to find anything to rant or rave about.

school is about to start in a few days and frankly i am excited i just hope thet teachers won't splash cold water on my hopes of having a good semester by being bitches and professional a** holes. i feel that i am going to enjoy the subjects that i'll be taking and the difficulty and peculiarity of the schedule makes it more interesting and challenging.

when classes starts on friday it will officially mark the second semester of my third year meaning we will be graduating in less than year. the idea itself sounds surreal to me. in less than a year a will be faced with the decision what to make of our lives, to pursue further studies (read: law), join the workforce or both. i have been eluding the question for quite some time now but time presses me to make a decision so that i can prepare, i am 85 percent sure that i wanted to pursue law but the circumstances might be difficult (specially financially), without my parent's money i am afraid i won't make it, is my desire to pursue law strong enough for me to surpass this difficult challenges? do i want it badly for me to climb mountains? do i have what it takes to go on?

all of these questions hound me because they are important if i will pursue this goal, what makes it more difficult is that the future is near we are not talking about something that will happen in ten years, its not the "what do you want to be when you grow up?" kind of question, its that "what do you want to be now?" kind of question and i am afraid i am not yet ready to make a decision.

all i know whatever the decision may be, i have to be prepared and confident about it. i dont want to dip in something i am not so crazy about and the subjects in class that i will taking will in part decide these questions for me.

when i am faced with these kinds of predicament, i always ask God what He wants from me and what are his plans because it is always through Him that i can make the wisest of decision, i hope in this life riveting decision He will guide me throughout. please pray for me.

be inspired

2004-11-01T16:17:00.000+08:00

"Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true."

- Leon J. Suenes

'Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think."

- La Bruyere

'The boundaries which divide life from deathare at best shadowy and vague.Who shall say where one ends,and the other begins?"

- Edgar Alan Poe

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire."

- Wiliam Butler Yeats

"Whatever is good to know is difficult to learn."

- Greek Proverb

"Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit"

- Aristotle

"Friendship makes prosperity more brilliant, and lightens adversity by dividing and sharing it"

- Cicero

terse, brief, and concise

2004-10-24T18:25:00.000+08:00

i realized that none of my blog entries are terse, brief or concise. i dont know why but words seem to overflow my mind into the computer, so here's my attempt to write something short.

so, what have i been doing lately. (in case any of you needs to know)

kept my notes and books from the first semester and i threw away those that doesn't belong so that i can make room for the other mess that i'll be making once second sem is here.

i already prepared my notebook for second sem, putting some designs, glue-ing my schedule where i can see it.

i'm reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye, its suppose to give me different prespective on "dating", not that in recent memory i have experienced one, but this will give me the patience to wait for the right one. (do i sound cynical? i'm just giving it a try)

what i have learn from the book i'll share later with you.

that whats keeping me busy and preoccupied.

so that's my attempt on terse, concise and brief entry.

complete the sentence

2004-10-21T01:11:00.000+08:00

i am...looking forward to another great semester of learning, not only inside the classroom but more importantly on the lessons of life.

i will...try my best to enjoy what's left of my sem break by reading all books i can lay my hands on and eventually copy every CDs i borrowed and spend some quality time with my family because i know, come second sem i won't be seeing much of my ohana.

i promise...to be good and responsible, really responsible not just lip service but tangible
responsibility not only because people depend on me but because i depend on myself and if i will be irresponsible then who would be responsible for me, so we should be responsible for ourselves and one another. (what's up with all the responsibilty?)

i will try...to release all negative energies i have for other people and start anew. think that
things happen for a reason and i cant do anything about that anymore, people may think less of me but if i let this affect me, then maybe they have the right to think less of me.

if my life now doesn't work for me... i will create my own mafia. (keep this a secret) i will invest on criminal activities that involves lots of money and drugs and casinos and gamblings, and see myself rot in hell...(okay you can drop the eyebrows, just joking. my life will work out fine for me, even though i am not that rich, i know money will never make me happy, take Maj. Gen Carlos Garcia as an example.)

i will never...take drugs. (period no ifs and buts)

the best thing about life...is that i know i am alive and people love for what i am and i love them just as much. i am really lucky to have a supportive family and a mother who is great cook, making life really easy. imagine this, after a tiresome day you'll go home and you'll taste the food mother has prepared for you and its as if you landed on cloud 9. so whatever happens, no matter how life sucks just think of mama's cooking and everything will be alright. i have brother, who i really can connect with and have a lot of fun togther and really really nice. i have a father who sacrifices physical proximity so that he can provide us with a comfortable life.

i really never appreciated my life but now i'm starting to come around and i feel really lucky, i can say that i love my life.

2004-10-21T00:13:00.000+08:00

great pix

random thoughts

2004-10-15T22:43:00.000+08:00

i am enraged!!!!

grabe nasa limelight ang UST, pero not for good reason. naawa ako sa doctor ni Carlos Garcia naiipit siya sa mga attention-grabbing-and-tv-exposure-maniacs na congressman at sa responsabilidad niya sa kanyang pasyente. hello???puntahan daw ba si Garcia sa UST, hindi ba naman sila bangag at kalahati sino ba si Garcia in the first place para pagtuonan ng ganitong klase ng pansin? ok fine, corrupt siya but do you honestly believe he is the only one? bakit hindi sila humanap ng ibang resource person? baka mamaya mas marami pang mayaman at mataas na opisyales ang patuloy paring nagkakamal ng yaman. bakit hindi sila ang imbestigahan "in aid of legislation" minsan tuloy napapaisip ako, isang malaking joke at kalokohan ba ang mag patakbo ng bansa, at isalalay ang buhay ng mga mamamayan sa mga taong katulad nila? sana iniisp nila yun

kawawa naman ang mga Pilipino, mag punyetang taong gobyerno yan! hindi na naawa. ilang milyong pamilya ang nagugutom sa bawat araw, pero sila patuloy sa pagkamal ng yaman at patuloy ang pagnanakaw sa mga kawawang Pilipino. sana nakikita nila ang mga batang nagugtom at hindi nabibigayan ng sapat ng mga pangangailangan, sana nakikita nila yun. 15. 1% na insidente ng kagutuman, bakit nating hinahayaang mangyari ito?

the culture of corruption is deeply ingrained in our system, its ominous.

whats up with all the noise

2004-10-12T16:04:00.000+08:00

in the book of mitch albom entitled tuesdays with morrie, the wise morrie said that he doesn't know why people are so comfortable with noise and why are we embarrased by silence. indeed, i cant agree more, i have always belived that there is wisdom in silence, when you let yourself talk to itself and for a moment have its own conversation so that it will be in commune with the system working within. but what happens when you system is not in unison with yourself and the world?

that's where noise begins, we avoid the voices within us. we try to avoid the wiser thoughts in us, thats why we fill our heads with noise and clutter so that our system cannot converse and give us the most rational answers. because we know the conversations from introspection is the right answer and we are afriad of what it might say.

another things is that we are trying to conceal feelings that are very much affecting us. we feel that if the noise dominates we can ignore the feeling and act as if its just going to fly away like a bug.

yes, we are comfortable with noise because we dont want to think of our feelings and because we dont to face whats real.

right now, i want to hear everything in its extreme loudness, turn up the volume. i want the noise!!!

right now i'm comfortable with noise.

pardon the cliche, "college life"

2004-10-06T22:31:00.000+08:00

the past couple of weeks has been tormenting, financially, physically, mentally, emotionally and socially as well. we have learned to deal with every idiosyncrasies there is and we have learned to battle against the the simple joys and pleasures of life namely sleeping and eating. i'm not trying to glorify myself nor my classmates because what we have done is no way a feat compared with those who are trying to make this world a better place as their way life. but among ourselves, we the struggling student, the end of this semester and making it out alive is a feat in itself, not only the subjects passed or the assignments completed an accomplishment but the valuable lessons learned in the process was the crowning glory of everything. just as i have always said and thought of while we are painstakingly trying to meet our deadlines, we are going to finish whatever it is that we are doing, one way or the other. some, quite satisfactorily than the other but nonetheless we are all going to move on and get past this stage, the more important thing is what have we learn in the process. did we become good people, or just one of those.... that is the paramount consideration here. years from now, we will forget all the lectures and activities and the grades that we got from all the subjects that today we glorify and made the center of our lives, but we will never forget the values ingrained in us by the experience, this will be our most potent weapon, once the day of reckoning arrives. this will complete who we are and what differs us from the other. so while we are laboring and toiling our souls out for our precious grades, did we still have our values with us or it just flew away with the rest of our morals?

so what i have learned?

1. sleeping and eating is a privelege.
2. you may study till the crack of dawn but the test will not be the one you reviewed or studied for.
3. it pays to study and listen for the whole of semester not only for exams and major test, believe me on this!!!
4. you'll never know a person until you see him in a great deal of pressure.
5. now you know the essence of sem breaks, before i didn't see the logic of it, now i know and i think i love it.
6. you can plan all you want but things will happen not according to what you planned.
7. after college you can make a living out of the xerox papers that you have.
8. you think that college has shorter days of school, indeed, but most learning are done after school hours believe me.
9. personal lesson: why does it seem that the sun rises differently on other houses?
10. education is an investment of everything, if you give up, its your loss.

...and the list goes on and on but no matter how difficult it is, keep thinking that we will all get through we just have to hold on to our values and look deep inside, what will i learn from this, after all your there for the learning, right?

2004-10-03T12:17:00.000+08:00

life is worth living because of this people. looking forward to another great semester. good job everyone!

2004-10-03T12:15:00.000+08:00

it has been one hell of a semester, we could not have not done it, if weren't together.

a hundred million miracles

2004-10-01T08:38:00.000+08:00

you need to believe to see this miracles.

i have always believed that things happen for a reason and all of this is a connection of cosmic powers to fulfill the plans that the Omnipotent have for each and everyone of us. but along the way we encounter surprises that makes living a whole lot better, this miracles go unnotice but if we look deeper, we can see they are the miracles of the subtlest kind, we just don't appreciate them for what's their worth.

let me write a few of my own miracles:

1. being alive, what are the chances of me getting here on this planet experiencing the joys and pains of existence? it is because of miracles.

2. i'm studying, i consider myself priveleged for havingd the chance to learn and continue learning not only in class but through the process of education. its not only the lectures that we can learn from but also the everyday experiences we have in school which is also a good source of growth.

3. i have my family, although we are not financially blessed i consider myself rich beacuse my family loves one another and i know that whenever i need them they'll be around to help me.

4. i'm surrounded by good friends, i love these people dearly because they complete me and they complete my days, a frown would turn into a smile when they're around they may not know but they are really a part of me, all five of them, and of course those outside the group but i still consider my friends.

5. my GOD, yes i am owning my God, because we all have our ideas of our own God, and my God is exclusively mine, He is a miracle in more ways than one because he gave up his life for people like me, who doesn't deserve His life yet he still gave it up, unconditionally. He still provides and guides me whenever i feel downtrodden, He is my strength and my number one miracle.

after weeks of ranting and complains i feel that life deserves more than complaints from me, so here i am citing every miracle happening in our midst.

it is a miracle, when you find a person you truly love and who'll love you back.

it is a miracle to find kind people around you, even complete strangers.

it is miracle that we are all alive.

it is a miracle that in every storm there is a rainbow shining forth.

it is a miracle that in every frown there is a smile.

YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT THEY EXIST....

how about you what are your miracles?

of rodents, mazes and friendship

2004-09-29T07:20:00.000+08:00

yesterday was very bad day or so i thought.

we were supposed to present our hamster which have been trained for weeks, to come out of our maze but the little twerp wouldn't come out. so we waited till 7 in the evening so that our professor could check it out and see if we really trained our hamster to come out of the maze. gladly, it came out before it cause us again utter pain.

while we are on the topic of pain, today was also supposed to be day that we will submit our written report again on the hamster. but because of technological difficulties and also lapses in judgement we were'nt able to do that. we had to cajoled and coax our professor into allowing us to pass the report late, he did allow us but not without consequences. the whole class is going to attend a special class because of that, the professor insisted that he can't deliver his lecture about learning unless all written reports are handed in. and because our group hasn't passed anything yet we were all penalized. i was humiliated out of my wits, now everybody is going to suffer because of us. we volunteered to get out of the classroom, so that we will not hear the lecture but our classmates insisted no and the teacher was kind enough to change his lecture so that he can accomodate our shortcomings.

i actually hate this teacher before this incident, i guess i have to rethink that.

moreover, our classmates stood by us and they did not leave us hanging. they were suggesting things that will benefit us both. it was so kind and nice of them really, i have never felt so humilaited and special at the same time, special because i'm surrounded by very nice and understanding people.

lessons learned:

1. never trust technology.
2. never ever cram.
3.LOVE YOUR FRIENDS AMONG ALL THINGS, THEY ARE GOING TO STAND BY YOU THROUGH THICK AND THIN.
4. and when the time comes, STAND BY YOUR FRIEND THROUGH THICK AND THIN.

don't you just love life?